Trigger warning: Is there much point in paying for more?

[ClaireNI]

Long story short, My Husband was diagnosed with depression two years ago (He was sexually abused as a child for over 7 years) He has been on four different anti depressents, and has had two lots of Counselling (each lasting once per week for three months, he has two sessions left, this was via his doctor)

Nothing seems to be helping him at all, and he is just as depressed as he was two years ago, he said he doesn't think the Counselling is helping him at all because just talking about it is not making the problems go away, it just makes him think about it all, then it all gets stuck in his head, he thinks it would help more if actual solutions were offered, he doesn't mean he is expecting them to cure him, more along the lines of listening to him, then maybe offering small solutions that he can maybe work on at home, is there anything like this Counselling wise?

Seeing as his sessions end soon, we were wondering if it would be worth paying for private councelling? is it much like nhs Counselling? is it worth trying private for a few sessions or would he be wasting his time if the nhs sessions have not helped?

Thank you.

Has he told his current counsellor what he feels he needs?

Personally I think counselling can be tricky to get right, sometimes it’s a wrong personality fit. I’d suggest he talk to his current counsellor as I would expect him to give coping mechanisms rather than just being an ear

I think there is councilling that’s slightly different called psychotherapy. Pay privately for that? You can’t put a cost (or time limit- 3months on nhs?) on your mental health!

Perhaps he could get private Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT). It's a talking therapy but very patient lead and includes mindfulness/solution based ideas and techniques to help manage the condition.

Sounds like he needs CBT. I found counselling a horrendous experience, making you relive moments you want to forget. I found CBT enabled me to find a lockbox in my head and put all the painful memories in there. Then turn the key and never let them out unless I wanted to.

Gave me far more "control" over how I felt.

I agree with the CBT suggestions...he needs techniques to manage his emotions so this will help.

EDMR therapy can be good for this and, as suggested, CBT can be good for practical solutions. All but one person I’ve known has done much better with private therapy versus NHS (don’t know why) but that’s only useful if you can afford it. Hope you find something that helps.

Have a look into EMDR therapy. It's much better than counselling and has worked wonders for my post traumatic stress difficulties.

I had in on the NHS.

Counselling is very much an umbrella term. It can be very different depending on who the therapist is. He needs something more defined, specific for his issues. CBT will help with the negative thought cycles he has, and EMDR will help with trauma aspects

EMDR is definitely something to explore.

He might also want to look at Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). It is different from CBT in that it advocates accepting that unsettling/intrusive thoughts may occur but learning how to work through them while moving in a positive direction towards things that you care about.

Hi, couldn't read and run.

I'm an adult (female) who was also sexually abused in childhood over an extended period of time. I also received some counselling on the NHS but wasn't considered severe enough for the mental health team, but due to the history of abuse (which is why I needed counselling) I was considered too problematic for IAPT who do CBT.

I cannot recommend CARA (Centre for Action on Rape and Abuse) enough. I struggled with sex and intimacy for years in silence, but after just 3 of the 12-20 sessions you can have with them for free, I was talking and using CBT to change my focuses during intimacy. If you are somewhere that uses their services, your DP will hopefully benefit too. Link for you:
caraessex.org.uk/

Also, these people were very helpful and supportive. They aren't counsellors in the sense you're looking for but being able to get what happened to me out to someone when it felt completely overwhelming was so helpful. I felt like I wasn't drowning in it so much after a call with these guys: napac.org.uk/

Also, your DP may find it useful to find someone to talk to who has been through the same thing. It IS hard to talk about but having someone who 'gets' it in a way no one else can is a huge relief. For him to feel isolated by this would be awful.

It does get better. It took me a long time and a lot of work to accept that it happened, I cannot change it and it will not ruin my life. For years it did but with the right support and mindset, suddenly it becomes background information rather than all you think about. I still think about it every day but it's not all I think about. Also, screw the bollocks about forgiving the person who did it, some people just don't deserve forgiveness and I've been able to reach happiness without forgiving or forgetting, just adjusting my focus. I really, truly hope your DP can get the help he needs and finds some sort of peace with this. I know it feels impossible right now but peace will come, and this too shall pass.

If you have anything you want to ask, or just a chat, just message. I hope you're okay too, and that you're looking after yourself, you are important too.

Hi
I went to NHS counselling but just felt I talked four and hour, they said (in various ways) "oh, that must have been difficult" and that was about it. I didn't feel I "got" anywhere.

Went privately to a psychotherapist and it was so much better.

I wasn't "told" what to think / change / address but just got nudged into a better frame of mind, and it's lasted.

For an hour, not For and hour

My non medical opinion is that Counselling is shit.

Anybody can do it, they could have had a six week course at the local college for an hour a week, they could have done something online, they might have done a short unit with the OU.

Look into whether your local trust offers IAPT - you can directly refer to them for assessment and recommended therapies, get seen by qualified professionals and have something so much more than a nice lady sitting there saying 'mmm' and handing you a badly photocopied worksheet.

I've seen various people over the years and some have helped, CBT with the nhs was good. It's really important to find out what professional qualifications the therapist has, anyone can be a counsellor, no qualifications are needed.
As Mitzik he will need qualified professionals not a "counsellor*