Mixed up families

[Alexander132]

I am a 57 year old woman who has been separated from my ex for 10 years, my difficulty is my ex's brother has now been married to my niece for 5 years (they met at our son's christening 20 years ago) I have missed parties, weddings and important family occasions so as not to cause any animosity between the 2 families, I have now just discovered that I was not invited to an important party on MY side of the family in case it caused any difficulties. I have now been invited to another family event on my side of the family but I have also been advised that my ex and his partner have also been invited. So the question is "Should I stay or should I go."

Go, why would you not, you've missed enough and long enough time has passed (I think, you may not)
I would honestly go, ignore him and her and enjoy seeing people that you wouldn't have otherwise seen

It’s been 10 years?!?
Surely both of you have moved on and can be civil?

I accept that you may think that 10 years is a long time, but our 2 families have been intertwined, so much so that my ex was given the honour of carrying my twin sister's coffin when she sadly died 3 years ago (and I had no objection to this because I knew my sister had loved him as a brother) . I just always feel that it is me that is missing out to keep the peace.

Ah yes, my family did this.

I cut them off years ago for that, and masses of other stuff (that had been going on forever..)

Sorry op, it really hurts

After so long it’s maybe not about keeping the peace, have you shown reluctance? Surely you can all be emotionally mature enough to share one night?

Is there a huge back story around the split? Why would you not both be there at events? Presumably you were both at your sister’s funeral? (I am sorry for that loss)
As he is BIL to your niece, it doesn’t sound like your family are playing silly buggers preferring him - just he’s part of their family too. So next time someone warns him he’ll be there, tell them it’s been 10 years already - stop! And talk to the person who previously didn’t invite you, and tell them it was totally unnecessary and you don’t want that to happen again.