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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

So, he's going

8 replies

KittyVonCatsworth · 05/04/2019 22:44

My posts about my husband go way back. More recently last week and the month before and the year before that. But there's been a history of physical and, recognisably thanks to MN of emotional and mental abuse too over the past 3 years. So tonight it comes to a head. He wants me out by Sunday. He's leaving tonight because he's so angry and doesn't trust what I, yes, I might do. He's the one with a record against him because he tried to kill me, but he's scared apparently of what I'll accuse him of???!

Why do I feel so sad. I've failed again, and regardless of what others say, I thought we were stronger. I thought I could make this work. I'm actually going to miss him. I'm going to miss who I fell in love with, miss the memories and the good times.

In spite of it all, I stupidly still love him, we looked at houses last week and I was looking forward to the life I could have had. It's like life gave me a glimpse of non fuck up and said "look at what you could've had but you've won Bully's darts and £114 from the last round". Feeling free is not all it's cracked up to being already and I don't know how to get through it. I just wanted a normal, non spectacular life.

OP posts:
susan82 · 05/04/2019 23:42

By the sounds of it, you need to leave him and cut contact. From what you have described, he is a nasty bully and you are worth so much more!! Is there anyone else you can stay with short term? Parents, friends, relatives?
It will be hard for a start but you can do this and you will feel so much stronger!!

Closetbeanmuncher · 06/04/2019 00:03

The life you could of had was a life with an abuser...in a nicer house.

Dont you want more for yourself, someone who loves, supports and dosnt hurt you?

Abusers never change.

KittyVonCatsworth · 06/04/2019 00:04

Hi Susan, thank you for replying. Yeah, help comes from the strangest of places and I E secured a place to stay this weekend if I need it. Yes, he's a bully, but a very charming one at that. I just need the resolve to see it through xx

OP posts:
KittyVonCatsworth · 06/04/2019 00:08

That's all I ever wanted closet 😪 fucking woe is me huh?!

OP posts:
Closetbeanmuncher · 06/04/2019 00:16

Youre not going to get that with this person. You will change yourself and modify your behaviour to a point where you dont recognise yourself anymore to try and have a taste of 'nice'
The end result however will always be the same, and you wont even realise you're doing it.

Turn off your emotional brain for a sec and think with logic on this question....is this what love looks like to you?

KittyVonCatsworth · 06/04/2019 00:23

You're right closet. I'm trying do hard to be a person who I'm essentially not.

OP posts:
Shinesweetfreedom · 06/04/2019 00:38

You are going to look back on all this in the future and think shit why did I not get away sooner.

AgentJohnson · 06/04/2019 12:19

I just wanted a normal, non spectacular life.

You can have that, just not with this man.

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