Partner seems to over react with illness/pain

[catnaps1995]

Hey everyone. I'm finding it really difficult to be sympathetic to my partner now when he is in pain or feeling poorly. It seems to be all the time. I know I can't measure the amount of pain someone is in but to me it seems like he is over reacting a lot of the time.
For example we can have the same illness but he acts like it affects him more. When we both had the flu I ended up taking him to hospital because of the way he was reacting. I had the flu a few days before and I was pregnant but I didn't react in the same way or go to hospital.
I feel like he expects me to pander to him every time he is in pain/poorly and all responsibilities (even just tidying up after himself) go out the window. I get that you do that when you love someone and I am trying to but it seems like he is in severe pain/severe sickness all the time. It feels ridiculous but perhaps maybe it isn't. He doesn't earn enough money for me and our baby yet he takes time of work (he is self employed) all the time due to being poorly.
Am I not giving him something that he needs? Or should I just grit my teeth and bare it and stop complaining? Or should I chat to him about it? I am finding it hard myself not to react with anger but I don't want to upset him.

God, how do you bear it?

springy If it's the only problem you have with the person you love, then it's not too bad really. It's not abusive, just annoying and part of the give and take of any partnership. It helps if they can laugh at themselves occasionally.

OP do you know the definition of Manflu? It’s exactly like Womanflu only a million times worse.
I’d kill him.

Have you discussed it with him? What’s his view on it? What does he say about missing work?

I mean he does help with the housework, cooking and cleaning etc and I am very lucky for that

Apart from your child of a husband, this statement is really, really something you should address.

You are partners therefore you share the responsibility for looking after the house. It's NOT your job. He doesn't get to help. He gets to do. Just as you do.

Sounds to me like he thinks he's with someone who's going to take the place of his mummy!

Stop pandering to him when he's ill. All you're doing is giving him the attention he deserves. Get tough with him about taking time off work. Make it clear to him the financial implications of him doing this.

And when he moans and whinges about being poorly, be sympathetic but otherwise don't engage. You might even want to laugh at his ridiculousness.

Honestly. He's taking the piss and taking advantage of you.

On a lighter note, you might recognise your partner here:

Hahaha! All these ‘critically ill’ men should try and live with a nurse 😂. They’d have their arses handed back on a plate quicker than they can sneeze.

@Closetbeanmuncher

It wasn't me, actually my DP is quite good just gets up and gets on with it but then he doesn't get much sympathy from me 😂. My dad on the other hand, since turning 55 has been at death's door every few months. I don't know how my mum puts up with it, I would have killed him by now 😂

@8FencingWire god that was my mum (ex ward sister)
She excelled herself the day I fell down 40 stairs and landed sat on my ankle which I heard snap, it was the wrong way and like a balloon
Both parents staring down at my ankle
Dad "I'll get the car"
Mum "I'm not sure it's an a&e job"
Every single bystander did a WTAF face at her
Broken foot, broken ankle, snapped ligaments and 12 weeks in plaster

yesqueen 😂, is she of the school: ‘you’ve got an airway and I’m not holding onto any artery, stop being silly and get on with it’?

@8FencingWire pretty much
Back pain "oh we've all had it, don't waste a&e time"
Me - cauda equina and 5hrs in surgery

Shit, cauda IS a pretty major emergency, it brought the stomach to my mouth when I read that. Hope you’re ok and that your mum has revised the Oxford book of diagnostic

@8FencingWire she contemplated maybe they were being overly cautious
I'm ok, I knew it was cauda equina luckily, had a 15mm herniation at L5/S1 and 5hr discectomy, laminectomy and nerve decompression. The MRI is quite spectacular!

My DH is the same. It's one of the reasons I'm seeking couples counselling for us. I can't take the selfishness. His parents encourage it to be honest. There was a big fallout at xmas and DH walked off. All I heard then was how bad his depression was, how he hadn't had dinner, how if DD had died during my traumatic birth DH would have topped himself. No consideration to how I felt talking about it, my PND, or being left with DD and DSS. Even the tiniest cold is a drama.

I have been known to inform both DH and a work colleague (actually, my supervisor) that him taking Panadol was not for himself but for the rest of us. If he didn't want to take it, that was his decision but I would be equally entitled to my decision as to my treatment and expectations of them.

Fixed.

To be fair to the bloke going to A&E with flu, some people can become critically ill with the virus.

But the wobbly voice, the dressing gown of doom, the woe is me expression on a not-very-ill-at-all man makes me roll my eyes and sigh inwardly.