Constantly dreaming and thinking about other men.

[OhWhatAPalaver]

Things have been hard for myself and dp over the years and I've almost ended it multiple times. However he is really trying very hard to improve his mental and physical well-being which is having a positive impact on our relationship. Last night we had amazing sex and I felt like maybe things are really going to be ok between us after all.
However! I went to bed and had an incredibly vivid sexual dream about an ex (who I kind of regret not staying with) and have not been able to stop thinking about him all day. I also regularly have dreams about other men and have what you might call a 'wandering eye'. I have never cheated on my partner but was a bit 'carefree' with relationships until about ten years ago and sometimes I wonder if I'm just not meant for long term monogomy. I seem to never pick the right man and things also go tits up after a couple of years. I feel like I'm never truly happy with any partner and that makes me feel like I should move on and keep searching for the right person. Does anyone else feel like this or am I just weird?

Sounds like you haven't met The One yet. How old are you?

I'm 34 and have two children. Dp is step dad to my eldest and we also have a two year old. I want to keep things stable for their sake but I also don't want to just stay in a relationship for the sake of it, which I have been known to do. But I keep telling myself that it's best for the children to stay.

As Husky said you probably haven't met the right one yet. Don't write yourself off, in as much as you won't ever find the right one, type of thing. It does sound as if he is trying, so for the time being I would give it a bit longer, because he may or may not revert back. On the other hand if the spark isn't there that's that I think. You seem to feel a bit guilty perhaps? If it's because he's 'not really that bad', he might not be, it's just that you're not compatible. As for the old boyfriend, through unhappy times I've often thought how I should have stayed with so and so, but it's done. They move on. Is he the father of your other children?

Also the regular dreaming about other men is a sign deep down you're not really happy, and the wandering eye is because you're bored.

I know how you feel. I have been with my husband since school, I’ve never been with anyone else.

On and off throughout the whole time I’ve been with DH even before we were married, I always thought of other guys and had a “wandering eye” but never did anything about. Really before we were married I should have broken up with him and realised I actually wasn’t happy but I didn’t and went on to marry him and have 2 wonderful kids BUT I still wonder what it would be like to be with someone else, even more so since I found onhe had an affair 10 years ago, but that’s another story.

I will Never leave my husband 1, because I don’t have any where to go, and financially I wouldn’t be able to buy another house and 2, well because he’s all I’ve ever known, he was my first boyfriend.

He isn’t bad to me, and I do think he regrets his affair however, the damage (for me) has been done and it can’t be repaired.

Seriously if your not happy and have the means to go and set up home yourself do it.

Alwaysonthego that's so sad. I think an affair would be the final nail in the coffin for me. I couldn't trust the person again. Part of the problem with my partner is that I don't think he trusts me. I've never given him any reason not to and would never cheat but he has accused me of doing so in the past.
engagedagain the ex in my dream? oh gosh noooo, not dd1's dad. It was the guy I ditched to be with dd1's dad, a very lovely guy who is now amazingly successful and married to an equally lovely lady 🤦‍♀️ dd1's dad on the other ended up being an abusive cock lodger. So mistake of the century there I think. I kick myself on a regular basis over that one.

I don't know, maybe it's because you settled down too young and feel you've missed out, but really you want to be faithful, so two conflicting sides of you are at play here.

Do you really think you can find your happiness in someone else? This is where so many of us go wrong (myself included), we really think another imperfect human is going to come alone fill all the viods and needs then we will ‘finally’ be happy but truthfully no one can do this we have to do this for ourselves. Of course if you are truly not in a fulfilling relationship then you should leave if that’s what’s you want to do but all relationships at the start are amazing and fun (I used to struggle with only loving that initial infatuation feeling) but once the honeymoon is over we are left with another imperfect human just like ourselves it can be a never ending chase in the end.

Just make sure you are thinking these things for the right reasons and consider creating more fun and excitement in your relationship before making any decisions :) x

Bloody hell, Always -of course you could afford to buy your own house! You'd get at least half the marital assets for a start - and it's not impossible that you could stay in the marital home until the kids are 18. Why would you stay in a marriage that makes you very unhappy? It's so bad for your kids - don't think they don't know.

Same with you op. He's not the one.