Moving in together: my property or new property?

[stayinghereormovingthere]

I am privately renting a small 2 bed property, just me and my teenager living here. It’s just about big enough for us 2 (only one toilet, all storage space is filled, only enough room in the living room for a tiny dining table which only fits 2 people, you get the picture). My boyfriend is currently living with a friend. We’ve discussed moving in together, been together well over a year now and had all the talks about future plans and we’re on the same page. I’m just not sure how we’d practically work out the step of merging households. If he moved in with me, we’d be really quite cramped – when boyfriend stays over for the weekend it feels like we’re a bit on top of each other. However if we moved into a bigger rented property and then things didn’t work out, it feels like a big change to have gone through to then have to start again, and I’ll obviously have given up my current property. I am asking for ideas or experiences from other people who have gone through this and can share any words of wisdom or practical advice please

Sorry, you won’t want to hear this... but you’ve only been together a year, you have a teenager to consider, and as he’s just living with a friend he has an incentive to move. So actually I’d say - hold your horses for a while!

When it is time to live together, how important is your current flat, and how hard is it to get another? How much is it going to cost to get another one - and the cost to get another one again if it doesn’t work out?

I would just share in your too-small flat for a short period. Have him continue renting from his friend so that he doesn’t need to clutter your place up initially with all his stuff.

If you (all 3 of you) can do 6 months in a small space and still want to continue - THEN think about whether you rent somewhere bigger.

Sorry, just realised you said “well over a year” - if it’s close to a year, I’d say wait longer. If it’s close to 2 years, then see how it goes in your current flat for 6 months with his room still paid for.,

There’s more in this for him than you. Just be careful

I'd stay where you are for now. As PP said, if you can all get on living there for a year, fantastic, then that's the time to move.

If he has any issue with your decision, being cautious and not wanting to uproot your kid, then that's all the info you need really.

I agree with the others. Stay as you are. Don't bring him into a tiny house with a teenager. Don't move to a bigger place until you're more sure of him.

Why is he living with a friend? Was he kicked out of somewhere?

Hollowtalk he’s been living with a friend since his previous relationship ended a few years ago

As PP have said, there is more in it for him than for you. I live in a small terrace with my teenage DD and if I was in your situation right now, I wouldn't let him move in. I'd want to wait a few years to be honest. You are self sufficient as a single parent...why is he still living at his friend's? Is he saving up to move? Surely he can be as self sufficient as you have to be? If he isn't then I'm afraid you could be at risk of gaining a cocklodger.

Unless he is really young I think he should be trying to get his own place. It is important that you are both in equal positions when you start off. He he can't move unless he has a friend or partner then I would be concerned.

It is too easy for some men to assume a partner will make their life easier, financially and with household stuff.

How old is your teen? Boy or girl? It is tricky at this age as they often reject a new partner as they can't see why mum needs to share so for them it represents losses, loss of space, loss of privacy, loss of facilities, loss of mum as she is now wrapped up in a new boyfriend.

lifebegins boyfriend is same age as me, early 30s. Whilst he shares with a friend he is managing to save a bit of money each month with the hope of buying a property someday.
My teenager is a 15 year old boy. Ideally I’d like to wait years because we lived together but I would like more dc and I’m very aware now that I’m not far off mid 30s where things can be tricky, so I feel I’ve got my biological clock ticking too.

How does your son feel about it?

LovingLola
He’s pretty laid back about everything and has taken discussion around this in his stride too.

Sorry everyone, I feel like I’m drip feeding.

Sorry Op but I agree with PP, it’s way too early to move in when you have a child. I know there will be other posters along to say how they moved in with their DH after 2 weeks and 19 years later they have 5 children and are very happy but i don’t think that’s the norm. I also think rushing one aspect of your relationship to facilitate trying to conceive is insane. But that’s just me. See my example above....

Sorry but defo no no no
First just over a year is not long enough, also weekends you can put up with it’s all lovie Dovie. But actually living together is a whole new ball game.
You don’t know his daily routine, night time tv(is it just your choice now)
Cooking, cleaning, food shop etc(will he share)
It’s easier when it’s solely down to you, but when there’s two adults you definitely have to do half each (is he domesticated)

You never get to know someone really properly only until you live with them, holidays odd weekends don’t cut it.
It’s very early days, sorry

If you give up your house, just say it doesn’t work.
You
What happens if he walks and just leaves you with higher rent and bills
Find deposit for new house
Hassle of moving furniture
Splitting things if bought new things

I’m older and wiser 60+, think what your mum would tell you or what you would say to a friend