How do you stop irrational jealousy?

[goingmadd]

Just that really.

My mum was a deeply jealous woman who constantly suspected my dad of cheating on her. (It turned out he was gay and so in a sense she was right, although he said he never acted on it.)

Now, after an innocuous event, I am burningly jealous and angry at my husband. I'm wide awake, even though I'm needed to be asleep by 9 for tomorrow's shift.

I know that this is irrational behaviour on my part, which would be abusive if I expressed it, so I'm trying not to do so.

But how do I stop the all-consuming anger and repetitive thoughts? Has anyone fought this off?

Distraction and listening to your logical brain. Talk to others about it. Talk to your partner about it. As soon as you open your mouth the problem starts to go away. Get counselling or cbt which is supposed to be good for repetitive thoughts.
My mum was insanely jealous too. My sister and I inherited that from her. I absolutely hate it but have improved massively with age!
Good luck x

Well, your mother was effectively being deceived by your father. Which is the behaviour of the cheater. Whether their example has led you to have trust issues is a strong possibility. It might make you hyper sensitive to things, rightly or wrongly.

Right if you are suck with the negative thoughts then my first piece of advice would be to get off social media boards filled with tales of infidelity and woe. But the technique that I use is to replace the actual real scenarios going round in my head with another more trivial one (a soap or reality TV storyline) and then try to work out a resolution to that. Its usually so benign that I fall asleep. Reading can help but stick to uplifting fiction or something far removed from relationships. Its too late to work out but that helps to banish unhelpful thoughts. As does a long walk in the park or countryside.

Long term if you are sure there is no basis for these thoughts then I suggest you check your hormone levels, especially of you could be pregnant or going into menopause.

I am similar. I know it is a problem but as dragonflyflew says, it does improve with age and, in my case, a marriage with no infidelity in 30 years.
Sometimes posters on MN talk about their irrational jealousy and are told to trust their spidery (?) instincts and told there must be some basis to their suspicions. In my case, and maybe others, it is just the way I’m wired unfortunately for my DH.
I think LemonTT gives some good advice.

I am no help, but I know how you feel. He's given me no reason to be jealous! It really is just me! I hate it.

Did anyone watch the recent ch4 programme Pure? About a form of ocd called pure o? It’s main feature is intrusive thoughts and there are lots of different types of intrusive thoughts, ones where people question their sexuality, ones where they’re obsessed they might hurt children and some of the categories include relationship ocd, irrational jealousy and retroactive jealousy.
Worth researching as I believe a lot more people have these forms of ocd than we realise, particularly around love and relationships. Especially if you’ve become fixated and ruminating on scenarios real or imagined!
There’s loads online about it. I’ve just picked this page at random but really worth researching to work out if you do have a issue that needs working on or if it’s nothing to worry about!
www.ocdaction.org.uk/forum/ocd-and-intrusive-thoughts/relationship-ocdretroactive-jealousy

Hey op.

So - your behaviour is a learnt reaction from your family situation. Google hyper vigilance.

I used to suffer torments of jealousy and I managed to overcome it completely through psychotherapy. I spent a year weekly going through all my childhood /family dramas and my adult relationships etc with a therapist and through this it truly transformed my life.

It might sound full on but it has completely and utterly changed my thinking and gut reaction. I very rarely have these feelings anymore and am able to be happy in my relationship. Good luck !