tryingtosailthroughmotherhood ·
04/04/2019 13:47
Sorry if this may be a little long I'll try to make as much sense as I can.
So as the title states my partner isn't one for compromising anything, it always seems to be his way or nothing with a lot of things, I've always just gone along with it but the bigger issues I'm struggling to let go and fear our relationship will end because of this. To make it short my main issues are, we live with his parents, it's a beautiful place however it's very secluded and very very far away from my family (about 45 mins/1 hours drive), my only immediate help is him, his mom and dad, which can be very little. Living with in laws is very difficult at the best of times but mine can be quite challenging, as much as I love them I've never really adjusted to the way they do things and how they can be on a daily basis. We have a DD together who is due to start full time school in September, ever since she was a baby I've been pretty much begging that we move out, but it's always been a solid no. He likes it here he has everything he needs he knows his parents are draining but has dealt with it his whole life so to he's used to it. He will also say we can't afford it, right now he is the only person earning anything, we get tax credits that go straight to his account to support me and DD yet every time I ask for money it always seems like I'm doing something wrong, I get lectured and 9/10 times told no. Before we had DD I worked full time but as soon as she was born and I moved in here I've been told it's just not possible for me to go to work, now that she's in preschool I'm still 'not allowed because what will happen in school holidays' I also don't drive and there's nothing in distance that I can get to without relying on anyone else. MIL is the main culprit when it comes to telling me working just isn't possible (unless a job in school) as she would be the one that I'd be relying on most for the help. MIL is also very overpowering when it comes to DD, from the day I was in labour she has totally taken over (turned up out the blue and left my original birthing partner that I chose in the hospital waiting room for 10+ hours) and me as DD's mother have often found myself having to do everything MIL says in regards to DD otherwise I'd fear I'd get a telling off! (Luckily I am wiser now, and don't allow it as much), those are a few reasons as to why I really want our own space yet he will not listen! He understands but won't do anything about it. The other issue I have is I really want another baby, as horrible as it sounds due to MIL overpowering with DD I feel like I've failed slightly, I don't feel like I got the chance to be mom and even now I still feel the same. I never got to fully find out what being a FTM was like because I was just being told what to do throughout it all, or if I do my own thing and decide I'm parenting my way I pretty much get argued with. My relationship with DD isn't what I wanted, when we're alone or with just DP it's amazing, I feel like I'm the most important person in her world, just like she is mine, but when MIL is around DD will make it quite clear who she'd rather be around and can actually be quite nasty to me sometimes. Which as you can imagine, really realllly hurts. The longing for another baby isn't just for this reason btw, I had a big family and just always wanted a lot of children, but DP point blank refuses, I could understand if there was an actual reason for it, i.e. If he actually helped parent our child but from the minute she was born he's never 'babysat' while I went out, never ever changed her nappy, never fed her solids I could go on but honestly he's never done anything, MIL says 'that's not how things work' very traditional family I wish I knew all of this before I got trapped.
How do I compromise with him? I've probably made him sound awful but he isn't, I love him to bits but I just can't see myself living this life much longer and resenting him for it, yet imagining life without him really does scare me.
Thank you for reading