Am I being a bad friend or is this all unhealthy?

[Potatonose]

Hi, I'm posting on another account as I'm worried it would be a bit outing combined with my other posts.

I just want advice on a friend. I made this friend a year ago in hospital, we were on the same ward. We swapped numbers and stayed in touch. It was nice to have someone who had been through a similar experience with recovery etc.

But now I am starting to feel a bit overwhelmed by this person. She will go for weeks not replying or talking to me (I guess when things are good for her) and then another week she will want to ring me for an hour or more late at night. I wasn't very good at saying no at the start as I know she's been through a lot but now I find it draining. An hour at 11pm when I have work the next day.

She texts me when there's anything negative on the news like a terrorist attack, one day she rang my phone 3 times at work and texted 'CHECKING IN , are u safe?'
This bloody terrified me and she wouldn't reply as to what the hell it was about. Not good for me as I have ptsd after my accident. She will text me about her son - a bump, a sore tooth and then if I ask if he's ok no reply for days.

I've never met anyone like this.

I met up with a friend and she asked what I was up to and when she found out it was another friend she sent me these messages that seemed a bit nasty, wouldn't you be happy a friend was getting out? She said when you're better you can spend every weekend at our house. isn't that a bit much?

I feel nervous now when she gets in touch. Has anyone had a friend like this? Am I being nasty? How do you cut someone out with being an arse? I keep trying but then she bombards me with messages and calls. Help.

For a start I’d just not answer the phone late at night.

I would block this person's means of contacting you. You have and are being used here for her own ends.

If you feel overwhelmed by her then the relationship is not working for you. I'd back away and let the relationship lapse.

I had the same problem with an old school friend who got in touch.

Yeah I know, I stopped answering, she started calling when I get out of work instead. Some of it me I suppose, I'm working on better boundaries. Just want advice on how to kindly detach.

Yeah I do feel used, I feel like I am a dumping ground for all her problems.

Look, she goes weeks without replying to you. She must think that's acceptable behaviour. Do the same to her.

I had to be strict with myself about not replying. Sometimes I'd get pestery repeated contact and then she'd lose interest and stop. Unwisely I sent a message saying hello yesterday and got back a long moan about how a friend had blocked her. So I just replied with something light and airy and I'll leave her be.

Okay thanks for the advice, I've been trying to do that but keep caving as I feel guilty.

I felt the same but enabling her was not helping her.

What do you feel guilty about?. Is this rooted in people pleasing tendencies of your own i.e. not wanting to upset anybody else and wanting them to like you. She has simply used you as a dumping ground for her own problems, this is not what decent people do.

It's quite telling that her friend has blocked her...

Yes I am a people please, only just recognised it the last few months and am working on it.

Knew someone similar. Life is easier now I've blocked her. I felt bad but I couldn't cope with the amount of negative messages she sent me each day. I was honest and said please could she monitor her messages and she responded really negatively about it on her profile so I thought fuck it and blocked her.

Yeah I said something similar and she does this thing where she leaves me alone for a week and then bombards me constantly. Today I have had 10 messages on facebook, 2 missed calls all in 30 minutes.