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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How do you unlove someone?

5 replies

weesadie · 04/04/2019 10:20

What do I do with all the love I have for my ex? Story goes went on a date with “S” but I wasn’t over my ex so told him straight that I wasn’t in the right place. I took time out to sort my head out and be happy. I’m in a good place with work, kids, friends and social life. S tried to get back in touch but I wasn’t ready.

Last year I bumped into S and we started a friend with benefits thing. Suited us both. I caught feels and told him. He wasn’t in same place so we stopped. Turns out he was on and off with a girl but that’s not my business and I moved on.

S then came back and said he split with girl and had time to get over it and now Is in a place to try a relationship. He was wary of me though as I rejected him in the past and hurt him. He wasn’t going to let me do it again. He was scared I would change my mind again.

Anyhoo we went for it and it was fab. Everything clicked and I totally fell for him. After being on my own for so long it was great being looked after and having the best fun and have someone to share things with. He practically moved in the times my kids were at their dads.

He was very insecure and when he had a couple of whiskeys he needed reassured that I was happy and loved him. He loved me too and was happy.

One night I text him asking how he was. I only got a reply of sleeping. I thought that’s rude but I left him to it. He text the next morning asking how I was and I replied fine but bit pissed off at your one word text. Well that was enough for him to not reply. For days. I asked what was wrong to be told since I was pissed off what’s the point in texting. I said I can be pissed off but still love you. Nothing for days. I text but he ignored me. I phoned him and he actually answered and said he was pissed off at me not replying to his sleeping text and having a strop about it. Said he would text me later as he was at work. He didn’t. I got drunk at girls weekend and text him I missed him. He replied saying he’d text me later. He didn’t.

I sent my own last text for closure telling him I can’t believe we are over due to a silly arguement. Normal folk can argue and move on plus more on what I thought of his behaviour. No reply

So here I am. In a fog. Heartbroken. Trying to unlove him and get that horrible feeling out my tum. Don’t know why his reaction was so extreme. Maybe he met someone else? Whatever reason he could have said. How do I trust anyone? I’m back to being on my own again which I’ll be fine but bloody hell its lonely. I got a taste of being happy for first time in years and it’s gone. There are reminders of him everywhere. Why is he not missing me. Don’t really want to get out of bed tbh

Any advice or insight appreciated

OP posts:
WifOfBif · 04/04/2019 10:24

You will drive yourself crazy looking for a reason, he doesn’t sound very nice at all - is he always so moody?

Maybe he was looking for a reason to end it, but I suspect eventually he’ll be back in touch and you’ll walk on eggshells so you don’t upset him again. Emotionally abusive red flags are flying here.

weesadie · 04/04/2019 10:28

There were no moods or red flags. I’m hypersensitive to them after having a narcissist ex. I vowed never to let a man mentally control me again. This came out of nowhere. How do I just move on though? Forget him? It’s like a slap to the face

OP posts:
SparklyMagpie · 04/04/2019 10:29

He sounds like an arse if I'm honest

I've got to reply and dash but if only there was a button to press to "unlove someone" I'm 2 weeks into my break up with someone who changed my life, and yeah its shit and it hurts like you wouldn't believe

Time to yourself and to be kind, I write all my thoughts down, anything I want to text my ex

Also when i get back I will post you a link that another poster on a thread posted off the baggage reclaim site, I've been reading the last couple of days and it's really helped

It's like mourning isn't it. My ex never messed me around or played games like this though.

Sorry all of this is jumbled but you're right, you will get through it. If he was easy enough to have a go at you over not replying to one text, then I can only imagine how many more arguments would be brewing

Take care OP and PM if you'd like a chat

weesadie · 04/04/2019 10:38

Thanks for lovely advice. It is like mourning. I’m so humiliated for reaching out and making fool of myself. I know he’s a huge twat but right now I miss him.

I look forward to your link. Hopefully that helps. Pink gin can only help so much

OP posts:
SparklyMagpie · 04/04/2019 10:56

www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/list-of-posts/

I know what you mean about feeling humiliated, my ex would respond back to any message straight away but it's only hurt me more

You can do this! Have a read through that link, theres so many posts I'm sure you can relate to x

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