Cigarettes and vodka isn't the answer is it. How to make the pain disappear?

[FlyingTingTing]

I've been posting on AIBU about my marriage and my husband who's just left me after 12 years, 2 affairs and endless headfuckery.

I'm on my own and the pain is so intense, the silence in the house is so loud. His stuff is still here and there's memories everywhere.

I've taken down the photos of us. And I'm sitting here cuddling my cat.

I'm so frightened of the future. What the hell am I supposed to do now?

I bought a pack of 20 cigarettes today (I haven't smoked in 10 years) and I've just drank way too much vodka. I feel all light headed. Is this because of the cigs and alcohol?

I've also just eaten a huge bar of dairy milk chocolate. I feel fucking awful.

My heads spinning and I can't stop crying.
What shall I do.

I don't want to go to bed yet.

Bed is the best place for you. Tomorrow is a new day. Hit the gym hard, I started smoking again and got to 30 a day in the depths of all the divorce shit, seriously regret it now

There's a 'technique' I've read about and used that worked for me.

Tomorrow set aside one full hour (time it with an alarm clock) to cry, scream, wallow and do whatever you need to mourn the relationship. Put your phone, computer, cigarettes and booze out of reach for that one hour, then stop and do something constructive and mindless- go for a walk, weed the garden, watch a movie. The next day do the same, but for 55 minutes. The next day 50 minutes, etc.. I promise that within a week you will have stopped drying way before the alarm rings.

crying - not drying!

I spent my time initially watching episode of episode on a Netflix series to get a brief respite when I couldn't sleep . It will get better really.

Threw the cigarettes out today..

Get rid of the cigs, horrible things and will only make you feel worse. You will get through this, take each day as it comes. Are you ok financially?

I think so, I don't have any savings but I work full time on a fair wage. I can afford to rent my flat alone ,I just won't have that much left over each month, (probably about £100).

Join some clubs, take up some hobbies, anything you remotely fancy, things you my normally dismiss. Hobbies and sports that require concentration are very good for forcing you to think about something else for a period; which helps break the cycle of thinking about it.

Some sports and hobbies have a social side which is a big plus.

Is there anything interesting going on in Meetup in your area?

Is there any volunteering you'd like to do? Getting outside with eg conservation volunteers or national trust helps in terms of a bit if sunlight and exercise.

Also this had just happened - give yourself a bit if time, of course you're going to feel devastated for a while, but it will pass.

Someone mentioned a box set - if you can find a really absorbing series that interests you that can also give you a break from thinking about it.

Keep busy. Keep really really busy.

Jordan Peterson says when you are going through a difficult time, to shorten your timeframe. So instead of thinking how am I going to live the rest of my life like this, just focus on getting to next week, or tomorrow, or getting through the next hour. Or the next 5 minutes.

You need to get his stuff out the house now. And while you're doing that you could Marie Kondo (Netflix series on Japanese tidying) your stuff and that will keep you busy.