Struggling to move on - I don't have time

[toffeeapple123]

Abusive ex.

Over the hatred and anger phase of grief.

Now I realise how much I love him - but not quite at the acceptance stage. It cuts do deep, I've never loved or wanted anyone this much. It consumes me. Logically, I know I shouldn't even be thinking about him. It's bizarre.

I'm approaching mid 30s and starting to worry that I don't have all the time in the world to move on and find someone to start a family with.

I'm really distraught.

And I don't know if he knew I loved him. Yes, he didn't deserve it. And I couldn't tell him now 8 months post break up.

I really thought time would help - it's only making it worse.

You're obsessed and it's not healthy. He's forbidden fruit, which is always tempting. But you need to understand that this is not the way forward, you'll just get stuck in a dead end. Do not tell him that you "love" him. You don't. Forget him and move on. You certainly don't want to start a family with a man you know is abusive.

Thank you. What you say is completely right.

I've tried everything to move on - holidays, new hobbies, dating apps (which are AWFUL).

Sigh I wish I know it would get better, but even if I get over this guy, what else is there to look forward to? More date with shit men. It just never seems to end.

It's a battle to leave an abusive relationship and when it's over you are bound to feel a bit deflated.
Think of it as recovering from a serious illness, it takes time to build up again.
Things will pick up.