Red flags or overthinking?

[JimJamTimTam]

Am interested in views as I can't tell. Maybe I just need to get a grip, I don't know.

I've been messaging a man I know well for a couple of months now - he lives in another city but will be returning shortly so I'm just trying to sort my head before I see him again I suppose. We message/chat at least twice a day, sometimes intense conversations, sometimes just checking in. The conversations are probably started 50/50 if not a little more by him and follow a pretty predictable pattern (ie similar times of day etc)

But I've noticed a couple of things:

• On the odd occasion I message and he just hasn't replied. It's not that often, so when it has happened it's made me feel quite anxious and worried. He doesn't reply until I follow up eventually (I know ... I shouldn't) and then things are back to normal right away.

• Sometimes he messages when he knows I'll be asleep. One morning I woke up to four.

• I like to "end" conversations when I sense they are drifting so I can put my phone away and not think about it, so sometimes when his responses become monosyllabic or he hasn't responded to a question/left me on read I'll say something like "oh I'm about to go off and do xyz, talk tomorrow" and sometimes he comes back right away, ignores that message, and picks up the conversations again.

• There have been times recently when he doesn't respond for something like an hour then just asks me a question which I feel obliged to answer then goes away for another hour.

Am I overthinking this? Or are these red flags of some other sort of weird behavior?

Not sure if red flags as such, but it sounds like when he wants to talk he wants you there, and otherwise not. It's a bit all on his terms.
I think you're a bit over invested in this. Just have a break from the messaging and see what happens. Don't be at his beck and call.

which I feel obliged to answer
WHY???
You don't have to answer anything you don't want to.
An hour delay in a response is fine.
My poor friends are lucky if I reply the next day.
You seem a bit needy to be honest.
Stop chasing for replies and see what happens.
You are overthinking and over-invested.

I don't want to be unkind but it sounds as if the only red flags are the ones you're showing. It would be a shame to spoil this relationship because of obsession about who's texting who, how often, who ended the conversation. Just chill and enjoy, stop getting anxious if he doesn't reply. I have a friend who was like this and I had to stop all texting with her as it played havoc with her mental health

Me & my bf of nearly a year can have hours between a message & reply sometimes. We have a great relationship and are both happy, just busy sometimes and don't always have phone nearby or have it on do not disturb. Having come from a different kind of instant message & reply relationship before it took me a bit to get used to it but I love it now, very freeing! Don't think it's a red flag at all.

Hmmm maybe I am needy and overinvested