So unhappy in my relationship

[feelingeverythingallatonce]

I don't know what I'm hoping for in posting this but need to get it off my chest as I have no one to speak to.
I've been in a relationship with my partner now for almost 7 years. We have 3 kids together age 5, nearly 3 and 18 months. Since I had our first baby he's never ever helped me out with feeding, changing, sleeping, looking after them in emergencies, just anything. He's had a week here in there among months where he's been supportive and acted like a proper father but other than that he's been useless. It was something I could cope with for the sake of keeping our family together, however recently he's become very emotionally abusive. Well, that's what I would call it.
Every single day he has a go at me for not doing enough, when I raise our 3 kids alone. He calls me fat, lazy, a cunt.
He wakes up at 4am to go to the gym everyday and 9 times out of 10 he wakes all of the kids up too because he can't be quiet, and just says to me 'get up now and start your day, get stuff done'.
He goes to bed at 8 every night but gives me a list of orders he wants done by the time he gets up. I wash his clothes, his drinks flask, lunch box, I make his food in bulk for the week. To no thanks whatsoever.
Every weekend he spends about 2 hours with us as a family, and during that time he's sat on his arse watching TV. Other than that all he does is go out clubbing until 6am, see his friends, take his parents for meals or his friends.
He slept with someone else late last year on a night out and he tried grovelling back after I said I didn't want to be with him. He promised to change for about a week and then he returned back to his usual dickhead self.
He earns 600 a week and still takes money from me, he had 60 from me on Monday this week and he promised he would pay it back but is now saying he doesn't need to. So I'm left with less money for the Easter holiday.
He shows me no love and constantly puts me down. I know the obvious answer would be for me to leave this relationship but I feel so stuck and I don't know why. I feel completely controlled. The funny thing is I know I don't love him anymore, he's pushed me far too far now and taken away all my feelings for him.
He threatens to leave and never come back a lot which reduces our 5 yo to tears and I don't want her upset or to have a broken family :'(
I don't know what to do. PS he's never hit me or physically hurt me and I know he wouldn't. But he's very good at being manipulative.

You weren't put on this planet to serve this nob-cheese.
Please leave before your children learn that this is normal.

This is heartbreaking to read btw.
I hope you find enough anger in you to get rid of him for good.
You are worth so much more love!

Oh Jesus what the fuck
I'm so sorry OP, that sounds truly horrible.

You really, really need to leave him. This is a nightmare. Think about how much better your life could be without him - he isn't helping you financially, emotionally or practically. He's threatening and upsetting your kids with abandonment.

Please get in touch with either the domestic violence hotline or women's aid:

www.nationaldomesticviolencehelpline.org.uk/
0808 2000 247

www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/helpline/
0808 2000 247

It's ok to leave, your kids will be much better off in a split family. All the best xx

Do you perhaps want some practical advice about how to go about doing it? You can call support agencies or there are lots of people on here who have been in the same position, might not be the same problems exactly but getting out of any relationship can be hard. If you own a home together it is the hardest I think, joint tenancy on a private rental I think can be worked around, joint tenancy on social housing I'm not sure. Sole tenancy on anything is the easiest. I think if your housing is sorted the rest is manageable - all in the practical sense, once you know what you can do & how it might be easier to take the first steps.x

Oh my god how awful is that. Think of your lovely DC and how this isn't what you want for them, seeing you treated like this, thinking it's normal. Please take all the support on here and get yourself free. You have one life and you do not need to spend it on this asshole.

Horrendous way to exist. Please leave, it is far worse to show this to your children as a "normal "life than to be a single parent. I feel so sorry for you

Op, is there a financial issue here? Can you cope financially on your own?

Far more damaging for your dd to live with his threats to leave, disinterest and emotional abuse of you, than a split would be.

On your own, you can provide a stable, emotionally safe home. Do that for her if not yourself.

OP sounds like you are already carrying the mental, physical and financial load for your family. Dump the bellend.

He is no example of a father or partner for your kids. Your girls will think this is how women are treated and boys will think that's how men act, not good.

It sounds like you have already checked out mentally anyway, the practicalities will follow after you start to get the ball rolling. Do you share finances/rental agreements with him?

Bless you. This is not a normal relationship. Please kick him out. Your children will thank you years down the line.

Kick him out, I guarantee you and your dcs lives will only become better for it

This sounds truly awful. Please don’t live the rest of your life like this. The fact you say your feelings for him have changed is good as this will make the change easier. Do you have a mortgage or do you rent? Whichever it is start making a plan for how to leave. Depending on your work situation and earnings you can get help through tax credits etc. Plus he will have to pay towards the living costs of his children.
I can tell you from experience that going from a ‘family’ where one parent is selfish and checked out to just you in charge makes life SO much easier. IMO the younger kids are when this happens, the easier they find it to adapt. Others may have a different opinion of course but that is mine. Your eldest is already getting upset by his threats so I’d say make the break sooner rather than later. He’s cheated on you and with his disgusting attitude I’d wager he’ll do it again. You won’t believe how peaceful home life can be when you aren’t being controlled like this. I am rooting for you.

Believe me, the space and room to breathe once you are free of this nasty man will compensate a thousand times over for the temporary upset of leaving him.

Agree with a PP that life as a single parent where you can do what (and only as much as) you want is far, far easier than being with a knob.

Please leave, you're setting your children a terrible example of how adult relationships work. There are far worse things for children to go through than a so called 'broken hone'.

I don't want her upset or to have a broken family :'(

I'm sorry to say it but your family is broken already. Just in a different way.

Think of the lovely environment you could provide for your children if it was just you. Yes it would be hard at times being alone but also so much easier than dealing with the emotional abuse.

Just leave him. End of story.

I say this from experience, your kids will adapt and they will thrive when their mummy is happy and stress free. They wont thank you for staying with their dad in the future, they will grow older and they will see what he's doing and they will hate him. How long until he messes with their emotions?

This is one of the most heartbreaking posts I've read on here, your basically his slave and he's emotionally/mentally abusing you. Please make plans to get him out and keep him out.

Christ OP, please leave him. He has no redeeming features and makes your life harder. No counselling, no more chances for him. He’s shown you who he is now.

He sounds absolutely vile and treats you like a skivvy. Please, please, please don't waste your time with this gobshite, you are worth so much more! He may not be physically abusive, but he is a bully who thinks he can live his life like a single man...FFS going out til all hours when he has 3 children to. You would honestly be better off on your own and believe me, your children would get through it. My DD was 5 years old when I split with my ex-H and initially she was upset, but my ex and I worked together to make her feel supported and loved. She's 15 years old now and came through it all well adjusted.

Your partner has no respect for you by the sounds of it and it is heartbreaking to read what you are going through. Stop doing his shit for him, tell him to leave and concentrate on you and the kids.