Bullying workplace? Feeling like I can’t cope

[Beachball32]

Hi all. After a rough year (traumatic divorce, dad nearly dying, moving house) I needed to get a job. I started back in January- a job within an office. Ok salary and nice hours. My immediate thoughts were that my supervisor and manager were nice- a bit too nice really. I’ve got a lot of experience in my area and they wanted me to swoop in and help the more inexperienced team members. Sounded perfect.

First few weeks I started learning the ropes but the woman that was training me was always too busy to give me any help. My supervisor wasn’t able to give me her time and expected me to learn for myself. I ended up asking everybody anything I wasn’t sure about and was very friendly and trusting. Really tried to learn the ropes myself and was pleased with my progress.
Long story short I realised that I had at least twice the workload of my team and my phone didn’t stop ringing in comparison to everyone else’s. I spoke to my supervisor and she openly agreed that it was unfair and the other two members of the team were lazy and lacked the skills to do the work I was doing. I smiled, accepted the situation and persevered. My two team mates ignored me completely and gave me wrong information- whether this was deliberate I don’t know but they certainly weren’t willing to help me. I got excluded from all conversations and the more I tried to build a relationship with them the more they whispered/ignored me. I spoke again to my supervisor (because I got tearful at work) who said she’d move me away from them. That was a month ago and nothing’s changed.
My manager yells at all the staff and the last person that had my job quit within two months- apparently she wasn’t ‘a team player’. A previous staff member also threatened to PUNCH the manager because she kept screaming at her. I’ve started to get shouted at and my supervisor humiliated me in front of other colleagues. The slightest misdemeanour and we get snarled at. Some staff argue back, others just go quiet. It’s such a strange atmosphere. When my supervisor & manager aren’t in the office everyone is completely different- relaxed even. People have warned me that the management will shout and to keep my head down.
Am I naive to think this isn’t right? I’m walking on eggshells in the office and the other day I literally cowered at my desk because the manager was looking for staff to take her frustration out on. I know she’s very much under pressure...am I just being too sensitive because I’m feeling a little vulnerable at the minute ? I called in sick today because I’m not sleeping/eating because of the stress and I don’t want to go back!! I can afford (just) to have a few weeks off whereby I can start job hunting from scratch but I need to know if I’m just overreacting and this work environment is actually normal??

I would start looking for other options. It doesn't sound like the right fit for you at all.

Find another job. Life's too short.

Wow that is one toxic workplace! If this kind of behaviour is ingrained and management are free to abuse employees because their seniors don't know/don't care then sadly the only option is to start job hunting.

What happens to the staff who argue back?

If you don't feel able to refuse to take the abuse - please don't speak to me like that. If you have a problem with my work could we discuss it privately please (which takes a LOT of confidence and in any case is likely to worsen the working relationship even more by the sound of it) then honestly I'd update my CV and find somewhere else!

This isn't normal, it's toxic, and it sounds like management ARE the problem, so not the source of the solution. Personally, I would be job-searching. You've raised it, and nothing has been done. Cut your losses.

Thank you for your responses, it felt like I was going mad! I’ve not even skimmed the surface of some of the weird telling offs we’ve had...thought I was being too soft hearted...realise now that actually it’s management. Example- a colleague who hadn’t been off work for YEARS got a chest infection..she had a sick note, rang up and got shouted at!? She dragged herself in the next day even though she was really ill. Its so odd because sometimes (usually a Friday afternoon) they can be lovely! Oh and the staff that shout back...the manager just walks off in a huff.

Look for another job while you work if you can. Is it a big enough company to speak with HR? I'd personally secure another job then start an official complaint with HR. I've been bullied at work and I hate work place bullies. It's like school

Speak of command and control workplace! I would start looking elsewhere OP, but don't give up the job yet until you've found somewhere else.

Sounds like a mad house, I really detest orgs that treat staff like they're nothing and not even acknowledging their hard work. Whenever I went for interviews, somewhere along the line of my answering some of their questions, I always hinted on how big I am when it comes to work culture. Do as you're told is so old school and I certainly won't fit in where collaboration, fairness and transparency aren't practised.

Wishing you all the best OP. X

You know those signs you see on trains and things that say things like staff are not to be abused when going about their work and it won't be tolerated? Well that applies within the workplace too.

I've been a manager and a victim of upward bullying. The straw that broke the camels back was the member of staff in question shouting at me in the office. I was so taken aback I couldn't retaliate with anything. I was young and new in post. They were old enough to be my father. I calmed down, had a feeling of pure dread but knew I had to deal with it. I took them in the office and said in no uncertain terms that I don't expect to be shouted at at home and I certainly didn't expect it at work and that it wouldn't be tolerated. In that classic bully way, by standing up to them, it changed everything.

I'm not saying it will be as easy to do. But if it is a big company with HR available as someone else suggests, note down dates and events, maintain a log, go and speak to them. Is it possible that the other two members of staff who are alienating you feel equally as dreadful and (wrongly) believe if they stick together you will be the one victimised, thus sparing themselves? Could you reach out to them to stand up to this behaviour with them? Or is that unimaginable?

All very easy to say when you're not in the situation I know, in all honesty I'd probably just look for something else, but I'd be making damn sure once I secured something that I told them how bloody awful they all were. Best of luck, we spend far too much time at work to be afraid and on pins all the time. The longer that's your working environment the longer it will impact on your mental health. And goodness knows we can all have enough crap to deal with in our personal lives without having to address stuff like that at work.

This sounds very familiar- it's not in a local authority housing office in Scotland is it??

Classic signs of a bullying, toxic, cliquey and unprofessional environment. Been there, done it, suffered the consequences.

Get out now.

If the manager was serious about protecting you from further harm (bullying) she should have stuck to her word. She's probably had them in and been told a lot of bullshit about you in return so has chosen to leave you til you walk out. Lazy, unprofessional manager.

Get a small pocket recorder and tape them shouting pending one year and constructive dismissal claim bought by you.

Yes this is indeed a highly toxic environment. Constructive criticism is ok but shouting and balling is beyond the scope! I would remain in the job whilst you look for another job. I am in a similar situation but instead of shouting it’s contant underhand digs and remarks from a particular member of staff which is crushing my job role confidence! I will be looking for another job also!

If you’re looking for another job anyway, I’d go to your supervisor and tell them their behaviour is inappropriate and if they didn’t stop I’d got to HR, and the next time I’d go to HR. Keep a log of how often it happens and what was said. You may be able to sue for constructive dismissal.