Remorseful for letting a woman down

[needmylife]

Morning, not on here to be judged, But I know I will be, so deserve everything I get.

Very remorseful, knowing I have hurt one Woman in this.

I know what I did; I don’t want any more pain for the people I have hurt and myself never again.

Background
Women1 (Anna) - meet 18 months ago, loving, stable, kind trustworthy, same sense of humour, no doubts with insecurity, perfect and so comfortable with. Happy when i was with her, no false all the time from the heart. I would only be off with her when Women2 was back on the scene. Meet Women1 when not with Women2, holiday, going away etc
Women2 (Penny) - ex gf for 5 years, ok for the first couple, then because she refused to move in with me, she had her reasons my family, it was and off then for the rest of the time, eventually she was telling me I couldn’t commit she, insecurity from myself and her, too much detail, she loved the attention off other men in a way you know is wrong, but she denied it. Chatting online etc. She bend the truth with stories about me, the list goes on, either very clever or did not realise what she was doing. I asked her many times If we were over in conversations, but she always said “I did not say that”
Did not live with either Anna or Penny during the 18 months.
Not here to tell the whole story of the ins and out.
But I came clean a month ago.
Told Penny about Anna first to end it, vice versa
Penny knew she said.... “I knew” she was right, she never confessed to me about her chatting, Anna was shocked and had no idea of this.
Both were hurt, Anna more than Penny, Penny already has some other poor bloke in the pipeline, Thought I was in the wrong I feel hate towards her

Remorseful YES as I said, its coming back to bite and hurt me. But I am hurting for the hurt Anna has had more the Penny.

Obviously I am no longer with Anna or Penny. Anna is the only one I have chatted to about the 18 months of relationship deception, Penny told me to "do one".

Questions I have so many on why i did it! And i need help

When Penny came back why did I go back with her! Love? And that feeling in your stomach, nobody else can have her.

I want to try with Anna again! And this time make it work. I can’tt tell her that, she has to want me again. Her trust has gone and deep down I know that is. I screwed it up. In the zone with Anna I was happy so so happy and perfect.

We have not spoken for a week now after this came out. She has a good friend I sent messages to and they get passed on. Anna cut off all contact, I do not want to see you never again.
Anyway to my question

Can anybody recommend a good online counselling service?

Excuse my typing and grammar

No recommendations I'm afraid but didn't want to read and run. I wonder if you might be able to find one from recommendation on the MH thread. (Not saying you have MH issues btw but counselling is all about emotional issues).

No judgement here. You know you were wrong and are beating yourself up about it enough. Good on you for recognising it and trying to address your issues.

Someone will no doubt be along soon to spout vitriol at you and attack you for all of their experiences at the hands of unfaithful men. I'm not sure it was wise to come on here with the whole story. Maybe you are seeking punishment here for your behaviour and perhaps that is also something you should speak to a counsellor about.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Wtf... did you actually come for advice or just to get some sort of weird thrill for being admonished by internet strangers?

Another context for such polyamorous love is having two romantic relationships which are at a different stage: one could be at the infatuation stage and the other at a later, more mature stage.

All this is really saying is what most people learn for themselves by the time they've been through a few relationships. If you're in a long-term relationship/marriage it can get boring and routine and compare unfavourably to the thrill of a new relationship.

However, all relationships that become long-term will reach that stage. You can either accept that, and all the positives that come with it (trust, security, a deep understanding of one another) or you can carry on with short-term, casual relationships all your life (which is fine as long as the other person knows from the outset that you're not looking to commit). The choice is yours.

I think your article is trying to spin something that's a universal human experience into a deep and interesting 'problem' - don't be drawn into thinking you are unique and need counselling, or that the 'problem' excuses infidelity.

All of us who have had LTRs or marriage will have reached the point where we realise the thrill of novelty has worn off - it's up to the individual to keep excitement alive and bask in the benefits of what you term a 'mature' relationship.

I agree with your statement, going to hide the thread in time. In my head i am reaching out for help I know what I have done :(

Thank you, comments are much app as they. I need to move on, and sort my issues out, never again

Barry, is that you?

Has this op posted before?? This seems frustratingly familiar...

This guys having a great time!

All this drama! - He's caused all this drama
Now he's got to tell people and get more mileage out of this drama!

This drama he's caused all by himself - he must be somebody now* - getting all this attention - having caused all this drama - about him!

*Mother/attention issues. Counselling ain't gonna help - if you are this blind.

Probably best to learn from the whole experience.

Meet someone new, don’t cheat and leave Penny and Anna in the past.

Troll?

Basically the article you linked says polygamy is normal and we need to get over our hang ups and get over it.

Polygamy sounds like a huge mind fuck to me to people who consent to it, let alone those who thought they were in a monogamous relationship and then got cheated on.

Oh here we go. Another bloke that has posted on Mumsnet knowing that the woman he’s playing the tiny violin 🎻 about, is a member. FFS!

Yep. Waiting for anna to read this and take him back.

Don't do it anna, he's a creep

Well, I hope that was cathartic.

While you are popping into psychology today and justifying yourself, I suggest you leave the women in peace. When you can act & think like a sensible human being, then maybe think about dating again.

FWIW, I think you have very low self-esteem, were punching above your weight in both cases and just assumed that at least one of them was going to dump you when they realised you were an idiot. This is why you kept them both on the go. Fortunately, there was a happy ending. They get to find a decent, honest guy and you get to sort yourself out.

When not everyone involved in the relationship knows about the others it IS cheating - not polyamory. HTH.