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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How do I react to new boss talking to me about her IMO bad relationship?

9 replies

toddle · 01/04/2019 23:58

Hi apologies if this is the wrong place to post.

Had two interviews last week and amazingly was offered both jobs! I chose the one that felt the most friendly, the woman who interviewed me was very friendly and chatty. I've had a induction and it seems that decision has had its downfall already.

I am employed by a married couple who both run a business with two other employees. So including myself there are 5 staff.

I was alone with the owner woman during my induction and she spoke about her relationship with her husband and I felt really uncomfortable. Covered things like her husband 'not allowing her out' she manages to go out to a local place once a week for a couple of hours but time is limited and even then he gets grumpy with her. Punishes her by not speaking to her, if he absolutely needs to speak is very snappy. He once agreed when drunk she could go out of town with a family member out of town but when it came to it he was so angry about it he didn't speak to her for over a week. 'Punishes' her by not going to bed with her. She loves it when he isn't around (if he goes out) because things are a bit easier for her.

Now if this was anyone other then one half of my boss I would know what to say! I was a little shocked and taken back today so didn't really say anything. Any advice for me with how I could deal with this and ideally not get sacked before I've even started! I can only presume she will talk to me about this again given this was the second time I had met her and she shared this much so I would like to be mentally more prepared.

OP posts:
MumsyJ · 02/04/2019 04:19

Jeez you've only been there 5 minutes and have already been brought up to speed with what's going on in their relationship.

I feel for you as I haven't really got a proper advise, but I'd smile and say to her 'you and your husband need to talk more, how about suggesting some form of counselling?' Hopefully it sends a message for her to back off a bit as you've not even settled in. Blimey!

Good luck with the job. I hope they let you enjoy it. X

Happynow001 · 02/04/2019 04:43

Are you able to keep bringing the conversation back to work issues? Ask relevant questions about your employment, company policies etc., make notes regarding work issues.

If she persists I'm afraid you'll need to say that the personal revelations are making you uncomfortable as you'd prefer to keep things professional.

She sounds like she's in an unhappy situation but should absolutely not be sharing her private problems with an employee.

Keep your wits about you as she may be upset you don't want to be her confidante and you may need to leave if this keeps up. Hopefully she calms down- fingers crossed!

Monty27 · 02/04/2019 04:46

Sod that. Run fast

Fedupofthisrubbish · 02/04/2019 05:07

Has the other job been filled?

NChangeForNoReason · 02/04/2019 05:09

Take the other job!!!

Thatnovembernight · 02/04/2019 07:33

I agree with the pp’s that asked if the other job has been filled. Is it worth giving them a call? This woman is putting you in a very difficult position. Could you try being non-responsive/non- commital? Lots ‘mmmm’ and ‘oh no’ but without really saying anything or being a very rewarding person to talk to about this particular subject.

Musti · 02/04/2019 07:50

I'd take the other job and steer her towards this board.

Tinkerballs1 · 02/04/2019 08:39

The poor woman is obviously being abused

toddle · 02/04/2019 11:01

Yes I know she's obviously in a unhealthy relationship and I guess has few people to talk to, hence her now over sharing with me on day 1.

I don't think I could take the other job, it will have gone now I told them I had taken a position elsewhere. This job was also better suited to my life meaning I can still do every school run and my son will be able to keep his hobbies as he has a lot on during the week.

As much as I did want to run, I have been a stay at home mum for the last three years so to have a job full stop never mind so quickly isn't something I want to give up. I'm looking at applying for a different job starting around September so if it does get worse it's not long term (hopefully)

Sorry I'm on the app and can't remember names but the 'ahh, oh gosh' kind of lines are what I gave yesterday.

There's not much policy wise to continue talking over. Think of it something like shop work. The stock will all be there. Nothing will change I just serve customers with a odd bit of cleaning around the place.

Thankyou all

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