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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I want to reach out to my Ex Girlfriend....

23 replies

MrIrregularity · 01/04/2019 23:26

Hi,

I've been with my current partner for 8 months or so. All is good. However I have a burning desire to reach out to my first love whom of which we were together for over 1 year, but we split 4/5 years ago now.

Halfway through our relationship her father had a stroke and I was there for her and her family every step of the way until she eventually broke up with me for not being in the right head space for a BF at the time. She then went on to have a new guy who she's still with today.

I'd love to reach out for just a "Hey hows life been.. hows your dad" Nothing calculative, nothing seedy, just generally interested to know how shes been after I had been through a lot with them. We've had 0 contact since we split!

What are your thoughts on this guys? Would this be disrespectful to my current GF? Would you like it if your BF did the same? I feel these circumstance are slightly different from the norm?

Thanks!

OP posts:
SadieSnakes · 01/04/2019 23:30

Yeah best not..🙄

NameChangeNugget · 01/04/2019 23:40

If you want repeats, watch Dave.

MissKenton · 01/04/2019 23:41

Don’t do it! You’re exes for a reason.

tessiegirl · 01/04/2019 23:42

Do you think you still have feelings for her? Unfinished business?

Singlenotsingle · 01/04/2019 23:45

Your current gf would be entitled to feel upset and suspicious. Leave well alone.

MsDogLady · 01/04/2019 23:46

I would not be impressed if my husband had a ”burning desire” to contact his “first love.”

TheStuffedPenguin · 01/04/2019 23:48

Obviously you are still not in the right head space to be a BF !

AtrociousCircumstance · 01/04/2019 23:49

I think it shows you aren’t that into your current GF and you should end the relationship so she can meet someone who’s crazy about her.

Your ex would probably be a bit disturbed to get that email from you after all this time.

NWQM · 01/04/2019 23:50

Why now?

HattieRabbit · 01/04/2019 23:54

Oh dear OP.

I’ve been here.

Let’s be honest. Really honest. Deeply annoyingly honest. There’s more to it than just a ‘hey how’s life, isn’t there?’.

I wasn’t still in love with my ex fiancé, when I wanted to reach out to him. But I was missing/craving elements of the relationship (unhealthy ones 🙄) Which left me wanting a tiny bit of his attention. It was easy to package up as ‘I just care about him- I mean we spent sooo long together- we went through some really real stuff’.... but it wasn’t that and I highly doubt yours is either!

I didn’t do it in the end, tempting as it was, my current relationship is too good to start picking at the past!

ThePollutedShadesOfPemberley · 02/04/2019 00:03

TheStuffed Penguin has it. You are still not good boyfriend material.
Try FB stalking her and have done with that but separate from your current DP because ...well see second sentence basically eh?

Meandwinealone · 02/04/2019 00:09

Just let it go. If she wanted to be with you she would. No one has tied her up and gagged her so she could never reach out to you,
She’s happy now. Be happy for her. No matter how much it hurts you.

And perhaps work our if you’re currently with the right person.

sackrifice · 02/04/2019 00:15

Leave her alone. She ended it for her own reasons. She is perfectly entitled to zero contact since ending it.

AgentJohnson · 02/04/2019 03:36

If you’re really honest then you’ll acknowledge that you want more than ‘how’s life been treating you’.

MumsyJ · 02/04/2019 03:44

Mate, stay in your lane. I'd kick you out if I were your current gf as I'd find this 'burning desire' a slap in the face. Keep on moving on!

Olikingcharles · 02/04/2019 04:57

Please as someone whose first love did this after 30 years leave it alone. Wish he had done so in my case. It's a can of worms she won't want opened believe me it will end up a complete mess. ( I was destroyed and others were too. Long story). You want more than just a hey how are you. Leave it and her alone don't go there.

hellsbellsmelons · 02/04/2019 09:45

Would this be disrespectful to my current GF? - Yes of course it would.
Would you like it if your BF did the same? - Nope, you'd be an Ex pretty soon.

What is currently missing from your current relationship that you are now harping back to your past?
Your Ex has moved on and so should you have.
But you haven't.
I think you need to end with GF as this is very unfair.
Thinking about Ex's etc....
I'd want to know so I could make an informed decision for my own future.
Your head isn't 100% in this. There must be reasons for that.

AtrociousCircumstance · 02/04/2019 23:26

So to reiterate OP:

  • you’d be betraying your GF to contact you ex.
  • you’d freak out and disturb you ex if you contacted her like this.

HTH

SandyY2K · 02/04/2019 23:31

Would you be happy if your GF had a burning desire to contact her Ex?

4/5 years is a long time. Let sleeping dogs be.

FlibbertyGiblets · 02/04/2019 23:40

Are you a member of the Four Tops? Go ahead.

Not a Four Tops member? Nope. Stoppit.

NWQM · 03/04/2019 00:15

Four Tops 😂

QueenBeex · 03/04/2019 00:28

What do you hope the gain from doing this? Like what are you hoping will be the outcome? You get back together? You meet up? A one off conversation? Become friends?..

SpannerD · 03/04/2019 00:47

Why are you even THINKING about ypur ex 8mo into a new relationship. Stay away from ex, and really consider what ur doing with current gf....

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