Stopped contact with DD father

[Toodles123]

For the last few years DD used to have contact every other weekend with her father. The last few months she has been self harming and has been suffering with anxiety and low mood. She has started seeing a counsellor at school who advised that contact should be stopped due to him emotionally abusing her. She hasn’t seen him for a few weeks now but has been texting him occasionally.

He has been aggressive towards me when I phoned him to say she won’t be seeing him and says it is my fault as I have been wrapping her in cotton wool and he has only been telling her off. He even says the counsellor has brainwashed DD. He does not accept he’s done anything wrong.

He has a history of domestic violence and I am worried he may take this further and she will be forced to see him. He reckons me having a chat to her will sort this out and that she is too young to make the decision as to whether she sees him or not. DD says she doesn’t want to see him anymore and he scares her and with the way she has been feeling I don’t think it’s in her best interests due to her mental health which the counsellor says has been caused mainly by him.

Does anyone have any experience of whether a 14 year old will be forced to have contact? Thanks.

At 14 there is a good chance that if she will say she doesn't want contact then contact won't be imposed. Do try to help her build her own boundaries and have confidence in her own choices.

It would help if the counsellor put her recommendations in writing

I was a 14yo being forced to have contact with her father. Don't do it. It is damaging. I am in therapy hashing out a complex trauma and several anxieties caused by my DF, the man my DM forced contact with because she "didn't want to be the bad guy", she wanted HIM to decide not to see us. He never did. I finally told him to Go Eff Himself 3 years ago after I saw him behave the same way with my young children. He will never see them ever again. He had enough of a brain to disappear.

Your DD should be focusing on becoming the person she wants to be, to become a happy and confident young woman. Not this nonsense with her DF. Please continue to listen to and support her.

Thanks for your replies.

DD is still not wanting to go and I'm supporting her with this. She is worried that at some point she may be forced to go if he takes this further. He's a very controlling person but I will get some advice on this if he does take it further.