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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Walking away from friendship

14 replies

OrangesandLimes · 01/04/2019 22:18

Anyone have any experience of walking away with dignity from a severed friendship? Is it better to sacrifice mutual connections rather than be drawn into
combatting false narratives? Does the truth always eventually prevail, so better to stand back than be drawn into drama and justification?
Is it possible to have known someone for decades and to have never noticed they lack moral courage, or is it just that self preservation makes people ruthless?
How do you stop caring when it is more than clear that there is nothing left holding on for?

OP posts:
EnjoyItAll · 02/04/2019 20:43

I'm not far off doing this myself. I just realised that the friendship has run it's course and I don't want to waste time putting effort into something one sided. I have fond memories of the past but the friendship does not bring anything to my life anymore. I think it's natural to be sad at first but if you don't get any joy out of the friendship it's time to let it fizzle out. I don't agree you need to cut connections or avoid each other etc just don't see the need to make the added effort when just being civil will suffice

BananaOnToast123 · 02/04/2019 21:18

I know from experience that it’s better not to torch things and go total nc if you have mutual friends unless as a total last resort. It just ends up so awful and messy otherwise. Best do the slow fade/grey rock if you can.

It’s hard though, I’m doing this now and it’s taking so much strength but nc was still worse as I felt like I’d lost my other friends too

Original poster
OrangesandLimes · 02/04/2019 22:12

Thanks for you points. Really appreciate them.
It’s really true if a friendship is one sided then it’s pointless trying to resuscitate. Takes strength not to get drawn into drama but grey rock is probably most dignified as well as self protective.
Sorry to hear you have both similar scenarios to deal with. Life is too short to spend time worrying about those who don’t appreciate or deserve the energy.

OP posts:
Poing · 02/04/2019 22:18

I don't know if truth always comes out. Sometimes it doesn't and we have to live with that. At least, that's what I am currently experiencing. Can you live with that, OP?

Original poster
OrangesandLimes · 02/04/2019 22:30

It’s super hard. What about you, Poing?

OP posts:
Poing · 03/04/2019 15:58

I don't have an answer yet. Some days it is easier than others to accept.

PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 03/04/2019 16:02

It’s interesting as I think I’ve got a friendship that’s naturally run it’s course (we live oppsite sides of London and not met up since June) HOWEVER I’m away to move hundreds of miles away and I don’t know whether to tell her or not...

It’s horrible as at least when you END something that’s it. Fading away and grey rocking always makes me feel tormented by the lack of definitive conclusion that allows me to process, grieve and move on x

(Sorry for hijack)

JimJamTimTam · 03/04/2019 20:02

I think it depends on how much your lives overlap. If there is no chance of bumping into them nc is ok

Princess1066 · 03/04/2019 20:07

Myself & a friend are having this conundrum with a small circle of our other friends atm - it's really tricky to know what to do but after a few outings to which we haven't received an invite I'm of the opinion that it's time to leave them be Hmm it's their loss after all Grin

Peaswithhoney · 03/04/2019 22:40

I wonder if some of us are more anxious about ending/working to continue friendships because our formative experiences have taught us to be more understanding and forgiving or tolerant of bad behaviour? Perhaps some of us are more adverse to bridge burning of relationships because we have more or too much empathy. Each example shared here feels like the people about whom we are worrying do not feel the same level of concern. It’s so helpful to hear these honest reflections. Thank you for being honest.

Peaswithhoney · 03/04/2019 22:52

Poing I think the most important thing is to be at peace with yourself/your actions.
Humans are too capable of self deception especially if it is to protect themselves. It’s disappointing and it’s weak. I would not want to live with that.

Princess1066 · 03/04/2019 23:04

@Peaswithhoney you are very insightful I think you're 100% correct Flowers

mumisthewords · 03/04/2019 23:10

Hey so my dog has just had puppies does anyone know if they are in anyway like us as i have both mum and dad but i don't want to put them out in the garden together if there is a risk he could get her again? The puppies are nearly 5 weeks old or will she be ok to go out with him? Thank you

Mrsmummy90 · 04/04/2019 00:17

@mumisthewords this is completely the wrong place to post that!

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