Has anyone else who's been in an emotionally abusive relationship...

[organicmama]

...had to remind themselves of how bad it was? Questioned the extend of the abuse? Felt sorry for your abuser (in my case because he's not seeing DS?)? Taken a long time to move on? Felt exceptionally confused about what is right and wrong?

At a low point...

Extent

Yes, it takes some time to move on and it does help to remind yourself of the emotional abuse in those fleeing moments of thinking that the relationship wasn't all that bad at one time....because all relationships weren't all bad in the beginning.

I was having a chat with my DD (15) yesterday and we were talking about my ex. We left last year in October; I wasn't married to him, but he was essentially her step-dad for the 8 years we lived with him. She says she started to notice how his nasty side became more prominent a few years ago. It wasn't being nasty towards her, but the attitude she witnessed towards me. The emotional abuse rocketed when he met the OW and tried to cover it up for a year by calling me a psycho and imagining things. I was in counselling all last year as I had started to believe I wasn't worthy, that I was definitely crazy etc, but it gave me some strategies to help me once I found out for sure that he was indeed having an affair. Emotional abusers can do a good job in making you confused about what is right or wrong for their own gain. I felt awful that my DD witnessed all this and apologised that he was so shit. We are 100% happier now, but still have flashbacks to the night we left (he became aggressive towards us both).

I haven't felt sorry for him at all. The day after I left his parents told me he was having a nervous breakdown because I had gone, but I said it wasn't because of me, it was his own guilt for being such an arsehole and that he had been found out to be a liar and gaslighter.

It will get easier over time. At first I couldn't go an hour without it all flooding back, but nearly 6 months on I am feeling much more free from it all.

Have you spoken to anyone professionally about your situation?

organicmama I think all of that is normal. Talking to my stepdaughter recently (she is no contact with her Dad/my ex but spends eow & holidays with me) and some of the traumatic memories for her were things I had totally forgotten until she reminded me. It was a bit frightening how much I had repressed.

It took me 6 years to be ready to date. At which point I did the freedom program too.

I thought he must be ill or psychotic but using Mumsnet I saw countless examples of his behaviour. I then read Lundy and realized that actually he was just a seriously nasty cunt.

Yes. 8 years before I left for good, I left and then went back. Managed to convince myself that it wasnt that bad.

Took me 8 years to get out again and used to constantly remind myself.