Moving In

[CantBelieveImHere]

I have been with my dp for 15 months and more or less moved in at christmas. I say more or less as it's not official and I need to go back to my house every couple of nights to do washing and get clean clothes as I feel I'm taking the mickey if I do this at his.
I currently rent and as I'm staying so much I pay him a bit of money too to cover extra water, electric etc.
He has asked me last week to officially move in (which I'm ecstatic about) but tbh I'm terrified.
I love to bones of the guy and he's everything I want in a man and looks after me etc, but the last guy (ex-husband) left me in so much debt and without a job/house or car. I'm trying so hard to get past this but not sure how to protect myself, which I know I don't have to do with him as he's independent and owns his own house.
How can I get over this last final hurdle and make it official and move in properly.

I don't think you're ready to officially move in with him.

You should have a conversation and say you're not quite ready for that step, but would like to wait (6 months a year/till 2020) and if everything is still going as well as it is now... you'll feel more comfortable.

It's also worth discussing what the financial spends would be to avoid a repeat of what's previously happened to you.

Sage advice as ever from @SandyY2K

Time is your friend here. 15 months would be too soon for me.

The financial side has already been discussed and agreed. It got out of hand with my exh due to him taking out credit cards and loans in my name without my knowledge and then leaving the country when he left me. So I have ended up paying it all back.
Currently I haven't stayed a night at my place for 3 months but I'm guessing to make it official I'd have to move all my stuff there as currently that's the only difference, we cook together, eat together basically like we live together already.

There are no kids involved from either side so it's just us to think about if that makes any difference.

Your Ex was a fraudster. Lucky most people are not.

If you were ready to move it, you wouldn't be on here asking...so for that reason you shouldn't move in just yet.

You need to have an open talk about finances; earnings, debts (on both sides, if any) and all outgoings. Are you going to open a joint account to pay bills etc? Is all the money going into one pot or are you keeping money separate?

I'd also talk about what if the relationship went tits up as your partner needs to equally safeguard his property. Essentially you would have no rights to claim anything unless you input into renovations or financial contributions to the property value - paying towards the utility bills is different. Ideally he should put a cohabitation agreement together.

I know it doesn't sound romantic, but it is best to stay realistic considering you have been shafted before! If your partner is wanting to put the mortgage in both names in the future, you will then of course have a claim on his property.

But for now you do need to have an upfront discussion on why you are moving in and your future together.

What age are you? I think you need to think longterm and make sure you can survive financially if the relationship ended.

Will you be in a position to buy at any stage?

You don't sound ready to me either.

That aside I'd advise before you do that you have a an open and honest discussion (and possibly get stuff in writing) about money, rights if you split (you don't want him summarily throwing you out and changing the locks with no notice) and division of labour.

They're the main bones of contention that tend to arise.

And bear in mind whatever paperwork you put in place you still won't have as many rights as you would if married and certainly consider how vulnerable you would be if you have children and especially if you become a sahm.

We are both in our 30's so looking at this with long term prospects.
I will be coming into some money within the next 12 months which will clear my debts and have enough for a small deposit on a house if needs be.
At the moment all the house chores are split equally between us and I am contributing to bills and food too so we are all but there really.
If I moved in properly there would be more money to contribute and I would also be able to save too as i wouldn't be paying rent.
I think a very unromantic discussion is needed before this goes any further.
Also I think I'm just terrified due to what happened previously to me as my current dp is really lovely and couldn't ask for a better person in my life.

I can understand your fear but it sounds to me like you've got a good one there. What's the worst that can happen? If it doesn't work out you can move out and start renting again. Sometimes you have to take a leap of faith.