Seven year itch

[factcheck]

I have NC for this. I need help.

DH and I have been married for 7 years, together for nearly 14. We have two children aged 2 and 4.

He is a good man and just has the usual annoying husband traits (no offence men!). We seldom argue and we laugh a lot. However, lately i just feel as tho he is putting zero effort in to our relationship.

Our sex life suffered a bit when we first had our kids and I have made a really big effort to lift my game in that department. He's usually obliging about it but never bouncing off the walls excited. I still instigate the majority of the time.

He isn't nasty to me, he is a great dad but he just makes zero effort in anything anymore. It's assumed I will do the majority of the household stuff as well as manage finances etc. I don't mind, but it's the fact that it's just assumed and I never get thanked that's bothered me.

As a result of this, I'm starting to have what I can only call a midlife crisis! I've been daydreaming of all the things I should have done when I was younger and didn't, all the things that I want to do now but can't. I've never been unfaithful but coincidentally since this started happening I've had two men tell me they are interested in me and want a physical/emotional connection. I haven't caved but I am close... As I just want to feel the thrill of feeling attactive and wanted and to do something that's purely for me.

Please tell me this will pass and I just need to ride it out?

It will pass but only if you dont ignore it.

Tell your bloke you feel taken for granted and that you're having a think about your long term future with him. Invite him into talks.

But no fiddling around with other dudes until you're free to do so. Men can sniff out a free fuck, there not what you want.

Thank you gamer.

Anyone else?

Don't be tempted with other men, it just isn't worth it. Most relationships take a dip from time to time. I agree with @gamerchick, you need to be honest and chat to your DH. If he is not abusive or a bad person it just sounds like he has become complacent about the relationship. Think back to the beginning stages when you first met. You kind of need to date each other again and make time.

Another thing to think about is imagine your DH found out that you were dicking about with other men. He would more than likely end your relationship and it your life will then change beyond recognition. If you want to be a single parent and go off dating, do the right thing and end your marriage first.

Just to clarify, I am not planning on cheating. However I thought it was relevant to explain how I was feeling - that until this point, I've never even given another man a second glance, but now i crave the feeling of being wanted

Thank you for your advice ladies :)

It's normal and good for you for recognising it before anything happened op.

Im also feeling like this op. I dont want to cheat but i want to feel wanted. Im getting urges for other men. But unlike yours my partner has been abusive in the past. If he is a decent man and your relationship is relatively healthy you just need to talk to him about the way you're feeling.

My H clearly felt like this years ago , but then instead of discussing it developed a bit of a one sided infatuation with someone very young. I found out years later as he wrote about it all and I found it by chance. It’s a horrible thing to know about, and he feels terrible I know and for me it did somewhat break the magic and change things although I havent left, so all I can say is please don’t even go there. Try and discuss with him and find other outlets to feel’needed’ if necessary,

I am feeling the same at the moment, feel like my other half is constantly miserable and on a downer. Everything seems to fall at my door too, it's highlighted just how lazy he actually is. And then has the audacity to chase me on whether I've done things. I returned to work from maternity in September and a new guy had started and has been showing me interest and you are right it is nice to feel wanted and hard to resist especially when home life is just a chore. I'm not sure how to get out of the rut, dear partner thinks he is very helpful and the grumpy label always gets pushed back on me. I work full time, organise all our childcare needs, do majority of the household chores and looking after our child and the finances. He doesn't seem to bring a lot to the table. Don't have any advice but good to know it's not just me. Hopefully you'll have more success talking to your dear partner.

I know it's hard to do some things when you have young children, but don't lose sight of who you are as a person and what makes you happy.

As well as being a mum and a wife, you are your own person, so wherever possible, make the time to do things you like doing.