Can I get out of this holiday without damaging the friendship?

[GraceMarks]

I'm going to be a bit vague here to try to avoid identifying myself, so sorry in advance for the lack of detail.

I'm supposed to be going on holiday this year with two friends who I've known for ages. They're both married with kids and I'm not - and not through choice. I would have liked to have had that for myself, but a lifetime of mental health issues, plus never meeting the right person, meant it just never happened.

The thing is, whenever I go out with these friends as a three, they always end up talking about their children for most of the evening and leaving me out of the conversation. I do my best to be interested and join in, but I can't really contribute when they're talking about weaning techniques, or the least convenient place their babies have needed a nappy change.

I get on well with both of them individually but they've always been much closer to each other than either of them is to me, and this has definitely intensified since their lifestyles have become more similar. It has got to the stage where I don't want to go on this holiday now because I don't want to spend the whole time feeling like a third wheel.

Is it possible to get myself out of it without estranging myself from them? I still want to be their friend but I can't keep being in this situation where I feel like I have nothing to offer.

Step back from the organising and when (or if!) they offer up a holiday idea - which they would have probably would have already discussed between the two of them by the sounds of it - tell them you don't fancy that sort of holiday.

If I'm reading it right, you've kind of steered it towards it just being the three of you, not their husbands/families? If so, I think it would be a bit unfair to back out without explanation (sorry if I've misinterpreted that) so I'd be tempted to address it before anything does get planned, maybe if one of them mentions it again, even say "actually guys, I'm thinking maybe you two and I will want different things out of a break, so if you'd rather go away with your families that's absolutely fine, and I'll catch you all another time?" Or something? Just thinking if a friend did that then backed out, that would irritate me, but telling me they feel left out of conversation wouldn't, I'd just be mortified that I'd done that to them. Hope that makes sense!!

Could you say to one of them that a person in work constantly talks about their children and it upsets you so much considering you own situation? Would they pick up on that and mention it to the other friend?

Has anything been paid for?

I wouldn't go either OP. Be unwell or something.

Needsomebottle it was originally just being planned as girls-only (not that any of us can be classed as girls any more!) and including families was an idea that got thrown into the ring and then thrown out again fairly quickly. But I see your point, maybe just passively letting it not happen wouldn't be very fair of me.

I promise I'm reading and thinking about all the replies here. I'm still dithering over what to do because I can't really gauge how offended my friends will be if I approach this with them. If I was confident that they'd be ok about it, I would definitely say something, but I'm not convinced they will be.

Hollowtalk no, it's all still at the vague planning stage, no firm dates or even destination yet. It's possible it won't get any further if I don't take the initiative, as they tend to assume I have more free time than them. Tbf, I probably do!

I would just keep quiet and say you're busy for any suggested dates. I reckon it'll all fall through anyway.