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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Boyfriend has broke up with me

23 replies

Bleubell · 01/04/2019 04:10

My boyfriend of a year has ended things. I am completely devastated. I know there is no going back but how do I begin to move on?

I feel so pathetic, I have cried non stop and haven't left my bed. I know a year isn't long in the grand scheme of things but I am so in love with him and really thought we had a future together.

I have to respect his decision and I won't try to contact him but it is so hard. I have to go to his later today while he is at work to get some things I had left there and I am dreading it, I know I will just break down when I'm in his house.

Has anyone else been through similar and come out the other end feeling happier? I just can't see how I'm ever going to get over this at the moment Sad

OP posts:
Honeyroar · 01/04/2019 05:26

Yes. You are perfectly normal to feel upset. It was out of the blue and a shock. Cry all you need to. Surround yourself with kind friends and family. Be nice to yourself. You will get through it.

Coyoacan · 01/04/2019 05:35

Been there, done that, bought the T-shirt.

I recommend lots of exercise. A friend of mine broke up with her boyfriend as he'd been unfaithful and threw herself into swimming and dance classes. It really speeded up her recovery. But it takes time all the same.

AquarianSquirrel · 01/04/2019 06:04

Distract yourself and keep busy with a new/favourite activity. It seems so deeply hurtful now but I promise in time you will find solace. You may always wonder what if, but there is always a reason for everything.
I look back on a previous relationship (moved across the country to live with him and thought we were forever) and realise that maybe we weren't as compatable as I thought. However, it was never a waste because I got to experience life in a different place.
Learn what you can from this. Write down your feelings and heal. Saw a poster somewhere on mn in relation to something else saying to "date yourself", a massage/pamper session, cinema, long stroll etc.
A year is long enough to know you love someone and for it to feel so raw when they're gone. In some ways harder than a death because it is the death of your relationship and you can't see them anymore but know they're out there somewhere. Sending you a big hug. You are stronger than you think and can get through this x

Original poster
Bleubell · 01/04/2019 06:38

Thanks everyone for your kind words Thanks

I am very lucky to have a brilliant mum and great friends I can rely on for support. I'll try to take things a day at a time and I'm sure I will get there eventually.

I keep having dreams that we get back together then I wake up and I'm right back to square one Sad I'm not usually this pathetic eugh.

It is unbelievable how much a break up can physically hurt. I knew him for a few years before getting together so I feel like I've lost my best friend, like a part of me is missing Sad.

OP posts:
Decormad38 · 01/04/2019 06:41

Why did it end so suddenly? Isn’t it a bit callous of him to not give you some warning?

Original poster
Bleubell · 01/04/2019 06:59

@Decormad38 he told me he didn't love me anymore. Maybe for him it has been a long time coming but for me it has seemed out of the blue.

Maybe there was things that I just couldn't see at the time, we did have silly arguments like most people do but nothing major and I really thought we had been getting on great.

I haven't even had a phone call, just text messages so I don't feel like I've had any closure or anything.

OP posts:
Decormad38 · 01/04/2019 07:04

The selfish sod. Confront the spineless dick. You deserve a conversation after a year. Sounds like you are better off without him tbh.

Original poster
Bleubell · 01/04/2019 07:25

@Decormad38 I keep toying between contacting him them thinking bugger it why should I bother.

I probably am better off without him long term, my friends and family seem to think so anyway. I just wish I could flick a switch and not care anymore!

OP posts:
AquarianSquirrel · 01/04/2019 08:05

No matter how much you want someone to do something they only will if they want to. Contacting him will likely make you feel worse and he knows where you are if he decides to explain what happened in person. Like an actual adult. So pleased you have your mum and friends around looking out for you. Chin up! X

Notcoolmum · 01/04/2019 08:07

After a year I think you deserve a face to face explanation and to ask questions so you can begin to move on.

It will get easier but it will take time. And what a dick to end things on text after a year. 💐

SparklyMagpie · 01/04/2019 12:20

Hi OP I'm in a similar situation only we were together 10 months and I feel like my heart is shattered

Hang in there xx

Lostandconfused240 · 01/04/2019 13:11

Lots of love to you, break ups are never easy. I have had my share too!

Things to help ease the pain slowly:
*Eat healthy

  • Sleep
  • Exercise every day
  • Book a holiday
  • Book a class/course
  • Get your hair done/buy a new outfit
  • Keep talking to people
  • See friends/people who truly love you
Original poster
Bleubell · 01/04/2019 14:04

Thanks all for your kind messages and advice Thanks

I decided against contacting him, went to his house to get my belongings as he was supposed to be at work and unfortunately he was in. I grabbed my stuff and left as quickly as I could I just couldn't deal with seeing him as it was so unexpected.

He did tell me before I left though that I have ruined everything. He has been quick to just drop me at the first tiny disagreement in the past so I can't even be bothered to get into it with him anymore.

I am not perfect but I can admit when I'm wrong and discuss things like an adult which he seems unable to do so I know I am better off in the long run without him.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bleubell · 01/04/2019 14:06

@SparklyMagpie sending hugs to you  my PMs are always open if you fancy a chat x

@Lostandconfused240 I have a girly holiday planned in June which I am really looking forward to, going to get myself back in to the gym and focus on myself now

OP posts:
beenwhereyouare · 03/04/2019 02:56

@Bleubell
I'm not trying to be nosy, but I don't understand something. He ended things with you, said he didn't love you anymore. So what does he mean by saying you ruined everything? Hmm

Fridasrage · 03/04/2019 03:41

Just wanted to say a few things…

It is normal, healthy and proportionate reaction to be devastated at the end of a one year relationship with someone you are in love with and saw a future with. You are not even a little bit pathetic.

Heartbreak really, really hurts, and you’ll have to grieve for a while.
You absolutely will be fine in the end, but that is going to take some time.

Original poster
Bleubell · 03/04/2019 08:20

@beenwhereyouare I don't entirely understand either. I did ask him why he feels that way, he started raising his voice saying he doesn't trust me and called me a few names. I've never gave him any reason not to trust me so I honestly don't know what that is about.

My assumption is that he has wanted out of the relationship for a while so has tried to make it my fault so as to make himself feel better maybe? We haven't spoke since so I really don't know for sure, I do know I haven't done anything to warrant his treatment of me though.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bleubell · 03/04/2019 08:23

@Fridasrage thank you Thanks

I feel marginally better than what I did a couple of days ago. Keeping busy is really helping! I appreciate all the comments it is nice to know this is normal and I will be okay in the end!

I can see the light at the end of the tunnel now 😊

OP posts:
beenwhereyouare · 03/04/2019 14:55

Take care of yourself. 💜

LuckyLou7 · 03/04/2019 14:58

He sounds like a bit of a shit, tbh, I reckon you've dodged a bullet there, and a few weeks down the line, you'll realise that.

19lottie82 · 03/04/2019 15:02

Hi OP, from your last post it sounds like you’re better of out of it tbh. But heartbreak hurts! It will get easier though.
Be kind to yourself, spend time with your friends and do things you enjoy 😊

Porridgeprincess · 03/04/2019 16:10

Sounds like you are better out of it seeing as he can give you no clarity, is doing things over text and name calling. The pain is physical at first though for sure, you would be shook from it.

Take all the time you need, June is a nice bit away to kinda aim to get yourself back in a good headspace. It does take a bit of time. If you have no other ties to him, I would just block him from any contact. Fuck all good will come from it if he did try contact you.

SparklyMagpie · 03/04/2019 17:34

OP sorry I haven't replied to your comment, I shall PM you later on if you don't mind?

But I agree, sounds like a bit of a shit but good for you! Just make sure you look after yourself !

Hang in there :)

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