My relationship with BF?

[AlwaysSunshine81]

Been seeing this person on and off for 18 months. I have 3 children, he has 1. We don’t get together with the kids, he is not really interested. We get together at night, have dinner and drink wine, chat and listen to music etc which is nice but it’s nof reality. He lives round the corner from me. I don’t really know what I want but today he hasn’t even wished me happy Mother’s day which he did last year. Today he didn’t text me until 5pm after I had text him first at 4 pm. Occasionally I have thought ‘what am I getting out of this?’ But at the same time I am thinking what do I actually want

If you don't do any shared parenting, I wouldn't say it was reasonable to expect a Mother's Day greeting. You're not his Mother's Day, or the mother of his child. At best, maybe a 'did you have a nice Mother's Day?'
It sounds like he is comfortable with the situation. He has financial independence, the usual time with his kids, and time with you is separate and stress free. If that isn't the set up that you want that is completely valid though, but have you actually discussed this? Have you ever had a conversation about where you both see the relationship going?

*not his mother!

I suppose it's difficult when you have kids... staring a new relationship .. I mean you say it's 18 month , have you done anything more than chill at home in the evening ... maybe dates or holidays ... why can't the kids meet now .... do you not do family stuff together .... or you happy with the set up ...

Do you want it to progress into something more that's the question

OP I was in a similar situation to this but my ex had DC and I did not. We hung out in the evenings. No family time etc. In just under a year I never met his DC. He never suggested it (rightly) but also I didn’t want to. We spilt up a couple of years ago for different reasons but with hindsight and a bit of space I now know I didn’t want to meet his DC because the relationship wasn’t going anywhere. We were passing time with each other really, rather than building a future. If this is what you want that’s fine. If not it may be time to move on.

I don’t really know what I want. We get together, we drink wine and have dinner and watch a film most weekends. Sometimes he’ll come round mine and we don’t drink during the week and he irritates me, probably coz I’m tired after a day at work. He doesn’t message me for hours which has always been a problem, like today. We broke up for 3 months last October and only started seeing each other again in jan and he said how he’s missed me etc. We don’t make plans to spend time together with the kids (we both have 4 year olds) they have met but only a couple times

JK ‘passing time with each orher’ Hmmmmm think you have just hit the nail on the head

Yeah last year he wished me a happy Mother’s day is something but today nothing. I don’t really see how I can look into the further with anyone at the moment

It's obvious the texting thing is an issue ... it seems men aren't arsed about texting ... once they have got you it does slow down .... the Mother's Day thing .. yeah he could of made more of an effort to send y wishes ..... but it seems there's not progression in your relationship and if that's coming from you then he might sense that and not put his all into either .. maybe you need a clear mind and time apart to decide what you want ... a relationship or a bit of a weekend tickle :)

I think it’s unreasonable of you to expect him to wish you happy mother’s day. You are not his mum or the mother of his kids.

I can understand him not wanting to involve the kids. You have a lovely adult relationship. How often do you have your kids, how often does he see his?

Sounds like you have different expectations of the relationship

Do you have sex? Just trying to think if it's a fwb /platonic relationship?