I Feel I have no one to talk to

[karenb6702]

Hi
My husband left me 2 weeks ago for a co worker ( he’s 45 she is 29 ) he told me he can’t live without her and he loves her

We have a house that he’s left and I don’t know if I can afford to keep it on my own.
I’m having constant panic attacks about money , being alone ( I’m 44) him being with her .
I can’t sleep I can’t eat I just stare out of the window .
I have no family and only 3 close friends and they have been brilliant but I can’t keep going on about my problems all the time .
I want to shout and scream I want to run away and hide .
I just feel I have no one and I’m lost and scared and lonely .
Does this ever get better ?

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. I know right now you're in shock and feel awful but it WILL get better. Remember that everything in life is temporary - however you feel now can't last forever.

Thank you for the reply
I’m trying to take 1 day at a time but it’s just so hard . I just feel so alone

Sending you a pm.

I am so sorry to hear this OP. remember you are worth something, you are not alone and you are loved. if you feel like you can't talk to your friends about your problems anymore, maybe a night out would help, to get your mind off things? as you said, take one day at a time and focus on yourself. it will be difficult but one day you will look back on this moment and think 'damn, how strong and brave am I?!' wishing you all the best x

It's such a shock, I pmed you about a community on facebook (not sure about social media rules on here).

Please remember it's about him and not you. Counselling helped me as I suffered terrible panic attacks afterwards. It shook my whole world view that this lovely man I had shared my life with could just walk out with no warning. Please look after yourself and don't be hard on yourself. It will take time to heal.

Hopefully someone can come along with more advice about the house.

You might want to talk to a therapist, just so you can talk to someone and don't overwhelm your friends.
It will get better but may take a long time.
When my marriage ended it was like my DH had died . It was a long grieving period.

Thank you for the replies I really appreciate them .
I have the number of a therapist the GP gave me I have to call them tomorrow .
As I say I don’t want to keep calling and texting my friend I’m fed up hearing myself so I can imagine how she feels !
I keep googling is his affair my fault ( he told me it was we had a stupid petty argument in January and that’s when he said he ramped it up with her )
I know I’m far from perfect but I know I don’t deserve this pain .
I’ve been and got legal advise cause he has to help me pay mortgage just now until I can either sell or buy him out .
I keep thinking say I lose my job ? Say I die no one would notice ? Say this happens etc my head spins all the time .

This is in absolutely no way your fault. He is using that as an excuse to blame you!! He would have fucked off with her anyway and he's just using any old nonsense to make himself look better.

Yes , I know this deep down it’s not my fault he wanted to end the marriage and to save him feeling any guilt ( he doesn’t he’s rubbing it in my face ) he’s trying to blame me . I know it’s just his excuse and another dog at me .

So sorry OP.
Let yourself get over the shock first. It does get better....it changes to a new normal thats actually ok and better.

But first your brain has to process things. Suspect thats why your staring out of windows. Its ok.
You may find you drift off and cant focus on anything else just yet. Thats ok....its shock. Make sure you eat and drink properly. Even if its only lite and often. Itll help with sleep which will help you process.

Allow yourself ok days and bad days. When its bad...go easy on yourself, when its an ok day....get as much done as you can

Op it's not you. Google the 'cheaters script'. When people do shit things they have to justify it. They will bring back every petty thing, that time you said you wanted something different in Tesco, the time you gave him a funny look. They reach for everything to justify their behaviour to themselves. It's not your fault.

It's something lacking in someone else that they can't say they want to leave or communicat effectively before it gets to the point that they are messing about with someone else. And the someone else isn't perfect or special, they are just new and they like a mirror that is shiny reflecting back good things instead of 'can you take the rubbish out' etc.

Just please be easy on yourself, it takes time to feel okay again, keep hydrated, don't be offended at friends as they might not understand it. Go to counselling and see if it can help you make sense of it. Write down thoughts in a notebook to get them out. Get out for fresh air and walks if you can. None of that will fix it but it will help a tiny bit.

Join that group if you can, they understand the emotions you are going through.

If you don’t have dc then be grateful for that because one day when you’ve moved on (and you will) you’ll have no reason to see his selfish ass again.
It hurts but it gets a LOT better, it’s time for YOU 💐

It isn your fault. It makes him feel better if he says it is.

I want to shout and scream
Do it. It doesn't solve anything or change anything but by god that scream from the belly makes you feel temporarily better and is an avenue for all your hurt and sorrow

It took me about 3 months for the worst of the physical shock to begin to lift. It honestly does get better, you find your strength and the ground firms beneath you.

I would highly recommend a very time consuming and social hobby or a job. You need to surround yourself with people and busyness as much as you can. Even becoming a regular to a local cafe can give you some "people". Bring a book or a newspaper, it's an outing. It's time passed. The GP can also prescribe something to help you eat and sleep. Sleep and nutrition will be vital for the fight ahead.

Immediately start talking to solicitors. Don't let another sun set on this. Start phoning around tomorrow and have a chat to a number of them, choose one you like (and maybe who is recommended by a friend who got a good settlement) and you go get what's yours.

Fuck that guy.