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Original poster

How do I treat him back ??

22 replies

Confuddledmum · 31/03/2019 11:29

Hi I've been wirh my boyfriend for almost a year after marriage of 14 years broke down. I like to give cards and presents to the people I love and I get them back although since I've been with my new boyfriend he doesn't like cards and when it was my birthday he had no job so he just took me out for lunch when he got new job and his mum got me a card. ( bear in mind he is 38 yrs old ) it was Valentine's day and I got no card so the cars I had got for him I kept in my car. Its now his birthday coming up and I don't know what to do i want to spoil him but he didn't me it all feel strange not getting him anything. He could have got me something when he got paid better late than never but he got me nothing. I don't know what to do please advise me please.thank you

OP posts:
NotSureThisIsWhatIWant · 31/03/2019 11:34

Leaving him perhaps? 38 years old, no job and not even the inclination to make the fuss without spending money?

I can tell you many women leave husbands for that. Walk away, if he is like this in the first year you are looking ahead to years of servicing his needs and whims.

I hate all the card malarkey with a passion, but participate in it not to hurt people I care for my stupid dislikes. The cards I write are not for me after all, they are for the people I love. They do not even need to be expensive, a nice letter in a folded A4 sheet is enough if it carries nice thoughts.

stofi · 31/03/2019 11:35

I would just pay for a meal. Nothing fancy, just an acknowledgement.

He won't appreciate a card, so don't bother.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 31/03/2019 11:35

What are you getting out of this relationship now?

Why are you with him at all?. How long was it between your marriage ending and this relationship starting?. It could well be that you have simply gone from one poor relationship into another one albeit different but not good all the same.

Original poster
Confuddledmum · 31/03/2019 14:04

I have to admit I am a hopeless romantic but I am really only for the little things and the thought that the price tag i hate the excuse no money for a card as if have loved writing on a scrap piece of paper so no money is no excuse to me. He was out of work for few months but now got food paid job. He doesn't like going to pubs or out with me just us 2 I lay in bed naked and he does nothing. I want to ask him what he wants out of a relationship as I don't feel he wants what I want. I cry myself to sleep sometimes but I know if I tell him he will get all defensive and say don't be stupid blah blah. If I just get him card and meal out for birthday I'm worried it will make him make even less effort although to be honest he can't make any less effort than what he does now. Please try and advise me as I have no friends or family x

OP posts:
BumbleBeee69 · 31/03/2019 17:47

end this Flowers

Nowordsleft · 31/03/2019 17:50

Oh dear. He sounds awful. Not sure why you are worried about what to get him. I would be thinking of calling it a day.

Order654 · 31/03/2019 18:20

He sounds shit. Bin him off.

HollowTalk · 31/03/2019 18:23

Blimey, OP, your standards are far too low! Don't you think there are better men than that out there?

And btw I don't count being taken for a meal as a gift, because they are having a meal, too so treating themselves.

LellyMcKelly · 31/03/2019 18:26

Good grief. Get out of that relationship now. You’re worth WAY more than that. Are you even sure you’re his girlfriend and not just a booty call?

NotSureThisIsWhatIWant · 31/03/2019 18:29

OP, so sorry to hear that, it seems you are taking this seriously while he is only up willingly for the bed part.

Listen to me, we spent soooo much time trying to save our marriages that we get used to keep trying to repair things. Just take this one back to the shop and get your time back, you owe him nothing, don’t fight for this crap. (Sorry)

Nowordsleft · 31/03/2019 18:29

I took from the op that he wasn’t even up for the bed part.

Bluntness100 · 31/03/2019 18:42

Op, what are you doing? What are you getting out of this relationship?

He sound awful, why are you with him?

Michaelbaubles · 31/03/2019 18:47

This is a seriously poor relationship, and staggeringly so for less than a year in. You’re worth so much more than this and out there is a guy who would treat you a million times better! And, even single, you’d treat yourself a million times better. He’s so not worth it.

NotSureThisIsWhatIWant · 31/03/2019 18:48

Oh... I guess I have a noughty mind as she said he liked to spend the time naked in bed.

Anyhow, the more the reason you send him back the way he came, you are not getting anything out of this but disappointment.

Amongstthetallgrass · 31/03/2019 18:50

Ah op your boundaries have been so broken down by your marriage you’ve ended up with some one that is not worthy of you.

There is really really nice guys out there love. Ones that will treat you the same way you treat them.

He doesn’t deserve you.

Bluntness100 · 31/03/2019 18:50

No she said he doesn't like to go out just thr two of them, and if she lays in bed naked he does nothing ie so no sex.

Amongstthetallgrass · 31/03/2019 18:53

I take that as in he puts no effort in and makes op do all the work.

Arsehole

poglets · 31/03/2019 19:02

You deserve to find someone who wants to be with you and make you happy.

You know you should end it. You do.

Accountant222 · 31/03/2019 19:06

You're wasting your time Mrs.

PickAChew · 31/03/2019 19:09

Gift wrap them and tie them up with pretty ribbon, if you like, but the best thing you could give him is his marching orders.

FaithFrank · 31/03/2019 19:14

You have been with him less than a year and you are already crying yourself to sleep. It's not going to get any better. Save yourself the anguish and end it now.

AFistfulofDolores1 · 31/03/2019 20:29

You know you don't have to stay in a relationship where you cry yourself to sleep, don't you, OP?

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