When did you realise you deserve more ?

[onestitchaway]

Sorry, I hate for this to be another ‘Mother’s Day’ thread but I’m so upset this morning.

LTR - 2 children - not married (but joint finances and assets).

History of infidelity on his side (stayed together after counselling) fly off the handle temper etc which has led me to not trust him so a bit needy (annoying?).

Anyway. It’s 10.20 and he’s still festering away in bed. Went out last night got in at 4am (3). Threw up then fell asleep snoring his head off. So me = no sleep. Caring for the small ones and I’m sitting here seeing all the lovely effort other Daddies have gone to and wondering when I am going to realise I am worth more than this ? I don’t want to be taken out, I don’t want fancy presents. But I would like a cup of tea in bed and a nice card.

It’s not the first time I’ve felt let down on my birthday/Mother’s day due to his lack of thought or just pure selfishness. Surprisingly he always comes good at Christmas when we’re staying with his family. I know I won’t do anything though and I don’t even know why. I am beginning to hate him.

"Surprisingly he comes good at Christmas" in front of his family. Because he's all about appearances. Shows he knows what he ought to be doing, but can't be arsed.

I’m sorry you feel this way. Men can be so selfish! Have you talked to him? You sound like you dont trust him and are feeling unappreciated generally?

Yes it appears that way @catergory12

No @Lozzerbmc. He’s still asleep. He will no doubt say I’m overreacting, being unreasonable and will turn it around on me.

I don’t know whether to just get me and the kids ready and fuck off out for the day.

Hello yes go out for the day leave him snoring. Then at a good time i would sit down with him and tell him how you feel

You do deserve more.

So when are you going to realise you’re worth more than infidelity and a shitty lack of effort (unless it’s to look good in front of his family)?

Sure take yourself and the kids out for the day - it might make you feel better for today. Try and salvage what you can of today for yourself

I honestly don’t know ? Financially I’d be better off without him. He does fuck all with the kids apart from some token ‘babysitting’. Fuck all round the house and I have to clean his shit up in the toilet most mornings. Oh sorry, he cooks. But when things are good they really are. I still find him attractive, we have a laugh, so it’s like I’m always hoping things will turn around ?

But when things are good they really are

If I put a lovely cream cake in front of you and then whacked a dollop of dog turd on top, would you still eat the good bits that the shit hadn’t touched?

Sounds like you’re already partway there though, at least you’ve worked out you’ll be financially better off without him. Baby steps.

Cooking is a funny one - it's a chore, but it's also pretty much the only chore that gets appreciation and praise. No-one oohs and ahhs over the hoovering being done.

Thank you for replying. And your anaology is so right @WWWWicked. No I wouldn’t !

@category12 never actually looked at it this way! But yes! And he’s the typical ‘I’ve walked the dog’. Ok great work, well done, Pat on the back etc.

I’m sorry to say I went in to the room opened the blinds and window and told him the time. He was all ‘goodness, I didnt realise etc’. I’m getting in the shower and leaving him to it. Fucker.

I get the "you're not my mother" line

And nothing

But the kids made me lovely cards at school.

I agree with @WWWWicked cake/turd analogy 👍

I guess what I would ask myself is what percentage of the time am I happy VS what percentage of the time do I feel miserable - saying that for me the flying off the handle, gaslighting and doing nothing for the children would be enough for me to bin him off.

You'd be financially better off and It sounds like you're single parenting as it stands anyway.

I say end it.

I think the hard thing is I’m happy with my life iyswim? I’m not unhappy. Got lovely kids great job, family, friends, lovely house financially comfortable etc. So I suppose as well I am worried about ‘rocking the boat’ and almost feel like I need to suck up the bad parts.

He’s had a shower and gone to the shops to buy my favourite dinner. But now he’s lying on the bed as he’s ‘struggling not to be sick’ and he’s ‘so sorry he’s let me down’ with teary eyes.

Littlest is down for a nap and me my lovely daughter are settling down to watch a film with a hot chocolate. And yes got lovely handmade cards with beautiful words made at nursery and school. Kids are all that matters

Hugs to you @honeybooboo123

I don't think anyone should have to suck up volatile temper outbursts, rounds of gaslighting, bone idleness and selfishness for the sake of "not rocking the boat" and being "comfortable" but that's just me.

People do it I guess!

Good luck with whatever you decide.

So he’s a selfish cheater with anger issues, don’t look after his own kids or do housework? And you would be better off financially without him?

Would you not rather live with the feeling of disappointment every time he doesn’t do what he should be doing?

Shit partners convince that 1. They’re not shit 100% of the time so it’s okay 2. You deserve a shit partner and can’t cope on you own.

My twat of an ex boyfriend has only been moved out a day, but I already feel more relaxed (I hadn’t even realised I wasn’t relaxed before).

I had been thinking of leaving for ages, I genuinely thought we were happy just not suited, god knows how I convinced myself of that.

My final straw was on Monday, my son had D+V and I got shouted at Monday night for not getting his work shirt ready for the next day. I then ranted all of the shit stuff he does, stopping me seeing friends because they are also friends with an ex, purposely flirting with other people when we go out, doing literally nothing at home, throwing a huge tantrum if my ex is on TV/radio (because apparently I know whats coming on next), and that was just a small snippit.

If you say aloud all the awful things they have done/do it puts it into a scary perspective. You also have to consider your children are learning how people treat each other in a relationship.