If you grew up a step child, would this have hurt your feelings?

[bodgersmash]

Been with DP for 5 years and living together for 4, so he's a step parent to my DC for all intents and purposes. They have a very good and close relationship most of the time.

DP is going off on a jolly on DC's birthday for a few days. It's an annual event DP has wanted to do for a while, but didn't go last year due to a) being in debt and b) because I was studying for my finals at the time and needed DP's practical support at home.

I feel hurt by the fact DP will miss DC's birthday, as I know it's not something DP would ever do if it was HIS DC. But then that's the point I suppose, DC isn't DP's.

Would this have upset you as a step child? Or am I thinking too much into their relationship and the message this will send to DC (to me it says: you're not that important to me).

Not really no, parents are away and can miss kids birthdays all the time. I assume he has celebrated in previous years so it’s not like the child has missed out. Will his actual father be there as that is probably more important?

No, I can't see the problem either. It's a great excuse for more birthday cake on his return. 😉

I'm a step child - would not have bothered me in the slightest! But my dad missed many of my birthdays even before my parents separated.

I'm going away on my own son's birthday this year - just the way things have worked out.

I’m not seeing a problem. My dh step parents my two dc (and has done since they were both v little£ and neither them or him would be overly bothered by this.

I wouldn’t have cared but then I wouldn’t care that much if DH did it either

Phew, that's reassuring. Thank you all!

feel hurt by the fact DP will miss DC's birthday,

Don't waste your life feeling hurt over non events.

I have missed my own DC's birthdays in the past, just one of those things. It is no reflection on love or relationship.

Agree with PP's it's a complete non-event. Loads of parents miss birthdays etc due to working away etc.

My mum missed my 16th birthday when she went to New York for a girlie weekend & to make this even worse for my stroppy teenage self she took my 10 years older step sister... obviously I bring this up periodically just to annoy her but in reality it doesn't bother me.

Is it because he's away or 'choosing' to be away?

I couldn't even tell you if one or both of my parents missed my birthdays as a child. I don't think it's an issue.

I don't think it is that bad, but he needs to make a big fuss and give card/present before he leaves.

MIL has booked a holiday for the last 5 years at the same time as BIL's birthday. He doesn't have a LTP or children, no one else to make a fuss of him except family. It's never deliberate on MIL's part, just a good time to go away when weather is warm and deals are really good. BIL is not offended in the least, but has asked for an invite next time!

OP I did grow up a stepchild. My stepdad never missed any of my birthdays but my dad did..

Doesn't mean I am any closer to my stepdad or less close to my dad because he was / wasnt there..

As an adult dh has missed several of our children's birthdays due to work. It has never been a issue. he calls wishes them a happy birthday and they do a special coffee out together at a later time.

I grew up as a stepchild, and, no, this would not have bothered me, as long as stepdad brought me something nice from his trip.

How do you know he wouldn't go away if it was his own child? I have been but do you know what we just celebrated the day before and then DS and DH had a takeaway and cake on his actual birthday - so double celebrations!

Love my step dad but I would have been delighted to have my mum all to myself for my birthday

Would have loved to have had my mum to myself for my birthday ... Enjoy !

My parents always missed my birthdays. We just celebrated on another day all together