Guy needing some advice please.

[magic6978]

Firstly I hope the following question does not sound sexist as I am not intending to sound that way I am just looking for some advice from a woman's perspective.

Can really bad periods cause major relationship problems? I ask because I was in a 3 year relationship up until the end of 2018 & my ex had a habit of breaking up with me at least once per month as well as occasional verbal abuse & insults especially during arguments & the break ups. Some of the stuff she said was very cruel & its left me feeling really low. I had to remove myself from the relationship because it was exhausting me & I felt as if I was walking on egg shells always preparing myself for the next break up.

She had really bad periods & she occasionally said that this is why she broke up with me & was sometimes nasty. She was also very needy & often accused me of cheating when I was 100% loyal to her & gave her no reason to suspect me. I read something today about PMDD & wondered if maybe she suffered from this. As I said I am really sorry if this may come across as sexist but its a genuine question as I am going through a bad patch & trying to figure out why she treated me in this way. Thank you.

No - she verbally abused you because she chose to, nothing to do with her periods. It isn't your fault

Well... my husband can tell when my PMS begins. I get a look. I didn't believe this till he filmed it and also me banging things around in the kitchen. PMS also makes me paranoid and occasionally suicidal. So yes, it can have a devastating impact on mental health and relationships. I felt my anger was out of my control. It would be zero to 100.

It was his worry for me that prompted me to go to the doctor's and get on the pill, which has relieved these symptoms massively.

I have no doubt that bad periods can cause issues, hormones are tricky. In saying that, I don't believe it's acceptable to treat people badly because one feels shit.

Did she seek treatment or was she actively working to mitigate the affect her moods had on others?

Did other people get on the wrong side of her as well?

My instinct is to say that she did not behave well, and appears to have projected issues onto you because she could. Hard to read I know, but I was in a marriage with someone like that, only male, and I've accepted that my boundaries weren't great.

Could be wrong though. Please try not to analyse or rationalise her behaviour because it can only ever be from your perception of the situation, try to frame your behaviour with others, look at those interactions and hopefully you will gain comfort from that.

Time is a great healer. Good luck.

Hello Magic. I'm sorry that you are having a tough time at the moment, I think your ex's behaviour has had a lot to do with it.
Yes women can have difficult periods. However, that is absolutely no excuse to be emotionally abusive and cruel in the way you describe. She sounds dreadful, and you did well to get out of the relationship.
I hope that you can come through this to better times.

I think unless you are a woman who has experienced PMDD or lived with someone with PMDD then you won’t understand that yes, it can absolutely change someone’s personality in ways they aren’t fully in control of.

I saw an interview on This Morning years ago where a man who had been lovely and gentle got into bodybuilding, took steroids that massively increased his testosterone and ended up raping his fiancée in one of the fits of rage and violence he experienced due to the huge levels of testosterone in his body. He was horrified and a haunted man, given what he’d done and was doing the interview to warn others.

I see PMDD and even menopause as similar. My mother had PMDD and horrendous mood swings in menopause. She was physically and emotionally abusive to me and my Dad and had a complete personality change. She was totally out of control.

You don’t have to put up with the abuse though. Give her an ultimatum. She seeks professional help or its over. I know a few people whose PMDD was relieved with medication.

There was an article from a young woman in her twenties that had a diagnosis that involved her period. And her highs and lows. I am not sure what her diagnosis was called but basically involved her monthly period and how intrusive it was on her whole life. Apparently it took years to diagnose her as it was difficult to pinpoint and not many women seek help as I guess we get told so many different things regarding how our period is supposed to be like and also how us women just put up with the carousel of emotions before and during our period. But saying that you do not deserve to be treated badly and if she is coming to a conclusion that it has something to do with her period how she is coping with life in general the first thing she needs to do is seek help from her GP and not get fobbed off either. Best wishes

I think it’s called PMDD.

Did she seek treatment or was she actively working to mitigate the affect her moods had on others? She tried the birth control pill but the type that she could take due to having migraines gave her problems with breathing so she came off them. I did a lot of research & I tod her that she should go back to the doctors & talk to them or get a referral to a specialist but she wouldn't & just said that they cannot do anything for her.

Hello Magic. I'm sorry that you are having a tough time at the moment, I think your ex's behaviour has had a lot to do with it. Yes women can have difficult periods. However, that is absolutely no excuse to be emotionally abusive and cruel in the way you describe. She sounds dreadful, and you did well to get out of the relationship. I hope that you can come through this to better times Thank you. I did not go into what happened in detail but she called me some really cruel things & it wasn't always during her period. I was always in fear of the next argument or the next accusation of cheating. She would stone wall me instead of discussing things & purposely try & get a reaction out of me. She would say stuff on purpose to see what I would say. For instance if she couldn't see me because she felt ill she would tell me & then I would reply with something like "awww baby you look after yourself & we will see each other another time" she would then start an argument by saying that I sound like I don't want to see her or care. It was so exhausting.

I think unless you are a woman who has experienced PMDD or lived with someone with PMDD then you won’t understand that yes, it can absolutely change someone’s personality in ways they aren’t fully in control of. I saw an interview on This Morning years ago where a man who had been lovely and gentle got into bodybuilding, took steroids that massively increased his testosterone and ended up raping his fiancée in one of the fits of rage and violence he experienced due to the huge levels of testosterone in his body. He was horrified and a haunted man, given what he’d done and was doing the interview to warn others. I see PMDD and even menopause as similar. My mother had PMDD and horrendous mood swings in menopause. She was physically and emotionally abusive to me and my Dad and had a complete personality change. She was totally out of control. You don’t have to put up with the abuse though. Give her an ultimatum. She seeks professional help or its over. I know a few people whose PMDD was relieved with medication. I actually have no idea if she had PMDD because she wouldn't see a specialist. She kept saying there is nothing they can do. She tried the birth control pill but it gave her breathing problems. I kept telling her to go back but she wouldn't. The last time she broke up with me she definitely wasn't on her period & she said she didn't love me any more but then came back apologising but also telling me I wasn't perfect. So it wasn't even sincere. She then insulted me on social media & came back again after trying to get me to go back with her. It has been so emotionally exhausting & I have been left with really low self esteem & knocked for 6.

You've been through a shitty time, no doubt. It's hard to cope with continued cruel behaviour. It can be so savage.

As Maya Angelou says, when someone shows you who they are, believe them.

You've been through a shitty time, no doubt. It's hard to cope with continued cruel behaviour. It can be so savage. As Maya Angelou says, when someone shows you who they are, believe them I could have put up with the occasional argument or disagreement but it got the stage where she would break up with me over stupid things & that together with verbal abuse about my appearance really brought me down. I had some therapy last year & the therapist said that I had a problem with setting boundaries & she was right. When I first tried to set them my ex called me manipulative when I said that I cannot take another break up. This was after over 20 of them in 2 years.

I have PMDD and it has caused so many issues in my life including relationships! I change into a different person for 1-2 weeks every month and suffer terrible depression, withdraw would breakup with DP at the time and had the same experience mom stop for 8 months when pregnant. The only real way to treat is to balance hormones naturally, support the liver and stop using contraceptive pills. Have a look at some YouTube video about naturally balancing hormones and check out a book called Mind Of Your Own by dr kelly brogan this helped me massively.

And what a lovely caring DP she has, she’s very lucky hope she can get things sorted as I know how terrible this feels.

I have PMDD and it has caused so many issues in my life including relationships! I change into a different person for 1-2 weeks every month and suffer terrible depression, withdraw would breakup with DP at the time and had the same experience mom stop for 8 months when pregnant. The only real way to treat is to balance hormones naturally, support the liver and stop using contraceptive pills. Have a look at some YouTube video about naturally balancing hormones and check out a book called Mind Of Your Own by dr kelly brogan this helped me massively.And what a lovely caring DP she has, she’s very lucky smile hope she can get things sorted as I know how terrible this feels. I have no idea if she had PMDD because she refused to go back to the doctors. We are not together any more as she broke up with me for well over the 20th time at the back end of 2018 telling me she no longer loved me. I have been left feeling really down about the full situation & have little self confidence left.

Magic. whatever her diagnosis, the issue here is how you were treated. What you describe is very abusive behaviour towards you. and it has affected you a lot from what you say. A good relationship is mutually supportive, and this was not a good relationship.
There is a domestic abuse helpline here which might help you.
www.mensadviceline.org.uk/

Magic.whatever her diagnosis, the issue here is how you were treated. What you describe is very abusive behaviour towards you. and it has affected you a lot from what you say. A good relationship is mutually supportive, and this was not a good relationship.There is a domestic abuse helpline here which might help you Thank you for that I shall check it out. Someone has said that I may have been trauma bonded because I kept going back to the relationship looking for the bits of love she gave in between the break ups. I think I may have a touch of co dependency too.

Sometimes all we want is to be loved back, and when you go through what you have been through, it wears away at your self esteem.

This is not your fault at all. Please get in touch with that group they will "get it".and offer support.

I'm so sorry I have to go to bed now as up early tomorrow. I wish you all the best and you will come through this with support. Well done for asking for support here, I hope it has helped a bit.

Sometimes all we want is to be loved back, and when you go through what you have been through, it wears away at your self esteem.This is not your fault at all. Please get in touch with that group they will "get it".and offer support.I'm so sorry I have to go to bed now as up early tomorrow. I wish you all the best and you will come through this with support. Well done for asking for support here, I hope it has helped a bit. Thank you for your kind words and help :)