Please help, am I crazy?

[solangerhys]

I have just joined MN, been looking online for ages at posts as I am 39 weeks pregnant and find the forum helpful for that (also used when I was TTC). But tonight, unfortunately i need some relationship advice.

Ever since I got pregnant (planned baby), my husband has been oddly distant and uninterested in me and the baby, well maybe for the last 4-5 months.

Our sex life was very good but we haven't had sex in MONTHS now despite me trying to keep things going. He doesn't want to kiss me, or cuddle me, and never wants to spend time with me, I try to plan activities he likes or suggest programmes he likes, he's not interested. I'd read that it's fairly common for men to go off sex during pregnancy so I thought I'd just try and not take it personally and get on with things.

Until tonight, I was on his amazon account looking for which perfect prep filters we'd got as I thought we'd got the wrong ones. And in his browsing history he's been searching for lingerie.

Now he hasn't bought any that I can tell, and I did wonder maybe if he was just looking at the women (gross) but some of it is just the underwear (no model). There's no way this is for me because for one, he would have mentioned it, and two, if he wanted to have sex or spice things up he knows I'm up for that conversation as I've voiced my concern for our lack of sex/affection a few times and he just seems to shoot me down and not wanna speak about it.

I know he was "sexting" someone at the beginning of our relationship and he spoke to her in a way he's NEVER spoke to me, very sexual, very detailed etc (I saw the messages) and now I guess I'm over thinking that perhaps he was sending the pics of these outfits to her or someone else?! (I didn't find out about this until recently, if id known at the time I would have ended it!).

He's asleep now otherwise I'd be asking him but I am wondering if I'm being a crazy hormonal pregnant woman and really hoping you lovely helpful people can talk some sense into me. I promise I'm not as bonkers as I sound but when someone goes from super affectionate and loving to avoiding sleeping in the same bed all together - it's hard not to get paranoid!😞

Sorry for the long first post! X

Can you use his finger print to access his phone?
Can you look up recent search history in the laptop

I darent look at his phone just incase I am being a total nutcase, don't want to cause a drama for no reason. And we don't have a laptop we just use our phones for amazon so I can't look into anything else.

My friend says I should just ask him outright in the morning and see what his reaction is. I am dreading it.

You don't sound bonkers, it sounds like you have good reason... :(

It doesn't sound good my first guess would be he's buying for someone else. Sorry that's probably not what you want to hear.

If I was you I'd hold off on confronting him until you've done some snooping and found out one way or another because he won't tell you the truth if you ask him.

Have you got someone in real life to talk to? Please take care of yourself. X

I feel so sick! Yeah I've spoken to my friend and she's usually the first to tell me if I'm being silly about things (I'm quite an anxious person) and even she said it doesn't sound good. She knows that he would never even speak to me properly about sex let alone buy me underwear.

He could just be looking at lingerie to buy for you for once you have had the baby, as a present? He may be looking forward to resuming normal sexual activities. Its true some men don't want to have sex during pregnancy as they worry about hurting the baby.

In this situation I believe you could look at his phone with a clear conscience, from what you've found on his Amazon account combined with him withdrawing affection it would be justified and the obvious thing to do. You don't sound nutty or hormonal to me at all.

I've just realised that the time when he was looking is when we were going through an exceptionally bad patch. What the bloody hell am I going to say to him in the morning? If anything?

I'm really debating waking him up now and asking but I am worried he will kick off.

I wouldn't advise waking and confronting him especially if you are worried he will kick off. You are 39 weeks pregnant and therefore vulnerable. Please be careful.

I agree I wouldn't risk a confrontation because at the moment you have most of the power and you can arrange things to your advantage if need be
once he knows that you're suspicious of him then ,(if he is up to anything) that gives him an opportunity to start thinking up alibis and destroying evidence so as difficult as it is if you can try and be tactical, try to be calm keep your powder dry
that's my take anyway
obviously take a wide range of opinions and make up your own mind

The problem is, even if he says he was looking for me, I don't think I'll believe him despite having no proof. That's not exactly a good sign is it.

I can't think of any time that he could have been with another woman though. Although he is always on his phone.

Could it be for himself?

I honestly think confronting him at this stage would be a mistake OP and I'm another who thinks you would be justified (and wise) to look at his phone before you do anything else. What you've found is suspicious but by no means proof of anything and I would want definitive proof before confronting because if he is cheating he will lie, deny and then learn to cover his tracks better and you may never know the truth.

Sod that for a game of soldiers! ^^

I am sorry, but his allegiance is not with you. He has created distance and no longer wants a physical or emotional relationship with you. I would assume that there is someone else.

*Is not interested in the baby
*Has withdrawn all physical intimacy, even kisses and cuddles
*Will not spend time with you, even when you plan activities or suggest programs that he likes
*Does not care about your feelings, as he refuses to discuss your concerns over lack of intimacy/affection
*Is looking for lingerie that would not be for you
*Has form for sexting (cheating) at beginning of your relationship

What would I do if my husband treated me with contempt by suddenly and unfairly changing the dynamics of our relationship, but refused to discuss it with me? I wouldn’t tolerate it and would end our relationship.

If he had form for cheating and had sought the lingerie, I would absolutely investigate by checking his phone, and I would do it before confronting him. I would also check his phone bills, as some people cheat by calling/text and the bills cannot be deleted.

I am still BOGGLING at the advice to a woman who is 39 weeks pregnant to "Sext him. Tease him. Ask him what does turn him on."

Is this really what we've come to?

@DavidMRColeman

😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣🤣😂😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂😂

Solange, if someone wants to cheat, they will find the time. Lunch hour, leaving early, etc. An EA is also a possibility.

Yeah I think it's a bit much to expect 39weeks pregnant op to suddenly become Belle Du Jour in her approach to this.

After her recent revelations, coupled with the other issues in the marriage I hardly think she will be in the mood for sexy texts and teasing.

I'm sure the advice was well intentioned but op needs some reassurance from her husband that he is not looking elsewhere. She probably feels at her least sexy right now.

Good luck op, I hope you get the answers you deserve. Try not to stress yourself out too much at this stage of pregnancy

Your defo not being paranoid, my OH was a bit freaked by my pregnant belly but would still kiss me, cuddle me, show me affectionate sleep beside me. So it doesn't sound like it's just a man being a bit freaked by the pregnancy. Sounds like he's upto no good! The fact he could do this when you are about to have a PLANNED baby is horrible! I would just ask him out right, wtf is your problem? And wtf is this?. But I am not scared of him 'kicking off'. which is also a worry that your saying that.

I've reported the sleaze.

I think you are right to have concerns. However, if you ask him about this, he is just going to say that he was looking for you, regardless of whether that is the truth. Can you get access to his phone? I think that's the only way that you will get answers.

@DavidMRColeman

Kindly piss off now please.

Op, your dp is more than likely up to no good, DO NOT sext him, ask him what turns him on, or any such shite as advised by MRColeman. 🙄.

YANB crazy or paranoid and there's enough red flags here to warrant a check on his phone. Find out whatever you can before confronting him as he will likely lie his way out and delete any evidence and it will only prolong your suspicions.