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Original poster

Father don’t want the baby

19 replies

Abster2009 · 30/03/2019 20:51

I had been happily in a relationship for 2 years, my ex has 3 girls 12 10 2 years old (this was a one night thing). I have just found out I’m pregnant and I didn’t expect it as I had just finished getting cervical cancer and now he wants me to get rid of it as he has 3 kids 2mums and now adds another mum. I was told I would have trouble conceiving so this is a shock to me and I always wanted to be a mum it’s been my dream now want to keep it as I want to be a mum and this may be my only chance.

OP posts:
beenwhereyouare · 30/03/2019 21:04

Congratulations! I'm sure this was a surprise but it sounds like a happy one. It's your baby. Keep it. His fault on the 2nd baby mum, and if I'm reading this correctly, he cheated? And isn't he your ex? It's not his choice. Don't let him bully you.
You said this may be your last chance; it may be, but regardless, you want this baby and if you let him talk you into anything else the resentment would always be there.
I'm not in the UK but there are lots of caring people here to offer information and advice. Lots of single moms. You can do this! 💜

NotTheFordType · 30/03/2019 21:07

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KittiKat · 30/03/2019 21:10

I was 22 and had cervical cancer, they also told me I would not conceive. I married at 26 and my first child arrived at aged 28. The second was an even more of a surprise at 31! Do not let him dictate to you about your baby. You may NOT get a second chance. I am so very happy for you. Could you survive on your own with the baby?

It may be his 3rd mother giving birth, but it is your 1st chance and it may well be your only chance.

InsertFunnyUsername · 30/03/2019 21:17

Can you manage financially/emotionally on your own? If you want to keep your baby, which sounds like you do then i would continue on the pregnancy, Knowing i may be doing it on my own.

Congratulations Flowers

Original poster
Abster2009 · 30/03/2019 21:20

Yes this is the second time of treatment for cervical cancer and I’m 30. I’m a very strong person and can do this on my own. I told the dad as he has every right to know but his reaction was I don’t want more kids if I keep it it’s not fair on the other kids he will hate it etc had quite a lot of mouth from him like I said I feel this is my chance to be a mum and I can do this

OP posts:
Original poster
Abster2009 · 30/03/2019 21:22

I have a fantastic support network around me so I can do this with or without him. I earn my own money and can support us both

OP posts:
stanski · 30/03/2019 21:39

It's your choice to keep or not - not his. If you want to keep it and little chance of another one then keep it surely?

Choccymmm · 30/03/2019 21:41

If he was so sure he didnt want kids he needs to be less...sexually incontinent. Its your body, your life, your choice.

hopll · 30/03/2019 21:42

Please keep it. My DP doesn't want me to keep my baby and made me choose between my baby and him..so I chose the baby and ditched him. I truly believe we can all do this without a man!

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 30/03/2019 21:44

If I had reoccuring cancer and a father was not jnterested in having a baby, I would have a long think what’s in best interest of the child. What of you’re ill again?

GetsIt · 30/03/2019 21:47

Just to say, I was in a similar situation to you. I kept the baby and resolved to do everything on my own but allow the father access and keep him informed (if he wanted). She's now 18 months and I don't regret my decision at all. At times it was hard, but making the decision to go it alone at the very begining made it easier in a way.... I had 8.months to get my head around it so by the time my daughter was born it was the norm. I hope that makes sense!
And congratulations x

Original poster
Abster2009 · 30/03/2019 22:08

Thanks so much. I just think I needed reassurance. I need to do what’s best for me and my baby x

OP posts:
KittiKat · 30/03/2019 22:16

Lots of luck to you! I hope it all goes well.

poglets · 30/03/2019 23:15

I hate to say one way or the other, but I would want to keep the baby. It's up to you. Your partner can decide if he wants to be involved. Be prepared to go it alone too.

I hope you are happy and have great support. X

Singlenotsingle · 30/03/2019 23:20

He's a selfish man, isn't he? It's going to be so embarrassing, 4 dc by 3 mothers. Almost as bad as Mick Jagger. Hasn't he realised what's causing it?

NotTheFordType · 31/03/2019 08:02

I am sorry about my dickish post last night. I have unexplained infertilty and for some reason last night was hard (I guess because it's M Day today.)

My advice is to be very very practical about this.

Can you afford a baby? They are expensive. Not for clothes, etc - you can get all that on ebay and hand me downs. But you will need a second bedroom. Is that achievable on your current income?

Childcare - you won't get a free nursery place until the baby is 2. Can you afford to pay for childcare until/with then? How will the school run work? Does your current employer offer childcare vouchers?

You will be responsible for 100% of the mental load. You will need to take care of everything in the household, plus everything to do with school. This includes shit you apparently should know automatically, like you have to enrol your kid to school fucking years in advance.

When your child is bullied/abused/ill you will be dealing with that alone. Do you feel up to it?

All the above said.... I have been raising my adopted DS single handed and have dealt with all of this plus loads of SN and MH issues. It's fucking hard, but I've never regretted my choices.

Original poster
Abster2009 · 31/03/2019 08:26

thats absolutely fine, I’m in a good place I have a 3 bedroom house and have a great support network in regards to childcare I wouldn’t have to pay for the child, I plan to work as I want to provide the best for my child. In regards to going it alone I have been dealt a rough hand in life but it’s made me strong to deal with any thing that has come my way. I have wanted this for many years and never thought it would happen and it has.

OP posts:
trendingorange · 31/03/2019 08:31

Sounds like things have fallen into place op.
Fuck the Dad....not a good enough reason for you to terminate if you want a child.

Yogagirl123 · 31/03/2019 08:40

Congrats OP Flowers

You have clearly thought things through and sound like you will be a fantastic mum with or without your partner.

Wishing you all the best for your pregnancy and beyond.

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