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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Workaholic husband

7 replies

yourfamousblueraincoat · 30/03/2019 20:03

How do I persuade my DH to get some work life balance? We have a one year old who he barely sees and DH is frazzled/distracted when he does spend time with him. Unsurprisingly, DS now only wants mummy which makes it worse. I work as well but I’m beginning to wonder how sustainable it is. He leaves for work at 5am so I do mornings. He then returns at 7pm to do the last bit of bedtime for 15 minutes before going back to do work again. He works pretty much all weekend and when he is “playing” with DS he is often doing emails or staring into space - he only seems to start interacting when he hears me coming. I am worried for his relationship with DS but is it too early to start panicking? The thing that really upset me tonight is that I’m ill and had to go and lie down at 5pm. Soon afterwards I hear DH getting DS ready for bed 90 minutes early seemingly so he can go back to his work again. Please tell me if I am overreacting. It is just making me sad (and exhausted to have no help around the house) but I don’t want to nag him to enjoy spending time with his son. He would say he does but his actions speak differently.

OP posts:
Pinkybutterfly · 30/03/2019 20:07

I would be very pissed off. Have you asked him why is he working so much? Is he in any debt? You need to sit down, what things do you do as a couple/ family?

LizzieSiddal · 30/03/2019 20:14

My Dh was a workaholic. It was 100% due to his upbringing.

In the end he went for counselling and he was able to really see how abusive his childhood was. He’s now so much better.

He needs to find out why he’s like this and if he wants to change.

CarryOnPaul · 30/03/2019 20:39

I’m actually slightly in awe of him and respect him a lot. I think as a father to be, first and foremost I feel my first and most important job to provide for my family. He’s obviously making a considerable personal sacrifice to provide for his family, and I admire that. I don’t know your circumstances, but since he is dealing with work emails, it sounds like he’s in a professional job. I think the key here is good and constructive communication with him. Can you simplify your lives so he can get a less demanding job? Move to a smaller house, etc, so he can focus more on being a Dad than a provider? Perhaps you could work a part time or full time job (if you don’t already) to share some of the burden.

Good luck, but as a guy who will likely be in a similar situation please don’t be too hard on him.

I’m not sure you can have it all ways. You also have a incredibly difficult, but different job. I think maybe there’s some mutual appreciation missing.

Good luck, hope you guys find your happy medium

LizzieSiddal · 30/03/2019 20:53

Paul the OP does work already.

CarryOnPaul · 30/03/2019 21:03

Quite right Lizzie; I missed that.

Moffa · 30/03/2019 21:07

My H is the same. Works 7/7 and barely knows our DC. It’s killed our marriage.

Talk to him, all the time. Make him see his behaviour is ruining your relationship. Counselling is a good idea. Good luck Flowers

poglets · 30/03/2019 23:12

Was he the same before having DC?

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