MIL

[nrpmum]

My MIL is generally lovely, but yesterday she had a discussion with my Mum (who is visiting ATM) about not knowing how we can afford to have the bathroom re-done and change the car at the same time.

I am really pissed off because she is always going on about our money. We both work, earn a reasonable wage that more than covers our bills and so over pay the mortgage, pensions, and pay into savings. I don't feel the need to justify my finances, and don't see why I should.

When we picked the car up her first comment was 'ooh nrpmum paid for a new car'. I told her immediately that we had both paid for the car.

I might be being overly sensitive, but I don't go routing through her finances FFS.

AIBU to be so cross?

YABU slightly as she might just be worried that you aren’t saving enough for a “rainy day”. But equally she shouldn’t be commenting quite so much.... [proper fence sitting here]

I don’t mind discussing finances approximately with my MIL, she knows my DH is awful with money and can gently scold him on my behalf - quite handy! But equally she’s reassured that I’m saving for both of us.

Plus if this is the worst of the MIL issues I’d say your lucky going off some Mumsnet threads 😂

I am probably oversensitive. We both work, me in finance (have done for 20 years). She might be worried, but I have already told her we were paying for the bathroom out of savings as that is all I am prepared to give. We are sensible with our money, so she has nothing to worry about. I think I'm more pissed off she was discussing it with my Mum because it feels like she was reporting on me. I'm in my forties FFS.

This sounds like time for the patronising head tilt chuckle.

"Oh MIL! Always worrying about us making financial choices without consulting you. Don't you know that's what you've [insert scansion] raised us to do?"

(Obviously insert the scansion, or not, on the basis of her name.)

Why are you tell her the ons and outs of everything? Stop telling her everything e. G you're getting the bathroom done and paying for it out of savings etc. You're giving her lots of opportunities to comment.

I’d be pissed if my mum and MIL were discussing my finances too, but really it’s not that bad overall is it?

They will always have some comment or other, it’s often hard to resist with someone you’re close to. Not an excuse mind! If you’re really uncomfortable with it ask DH to intervene with his mother, but he will most likely blame you. This should stop the comments but might make her feel awkward. Your direct approach to her so far hasn’t worked so this might.

I hear you! I'm a similar age and DM is telling everyone that we are only going on holiday for a week because we can't afford two weeks.
Actually it's because we live abroad and our school holidays don't match up with the rest of the group.

AND SHE KNOWS THIS

Bloody annoying isn't it

I find that if I really manage my interaction with people, and share less, the less opportunity there is for conflict/misunderstandings etc. It's a good thing to become more selective in what we share.

You never grow up in the eyes of your parents . . .

Agree rslsys although I think it says more about the parent than the child.

You can't leave anything out, otherwise she'll read it and mention it to you later.

You can't really hide a car, bathroom, or being on holiday with your brother either.

A good way to field off these comments is to say 'sounds like you have some strong feelings about our spending patterns MIL. Is there some sort of worry you have'? So instead of defending yourself, just question her more on what is driving her motivation to comment.