Taking kids on summer holiday- exP issues

[AintThatSomething]

Hi all,

I have asked exP for permission to take DC on a family holiday (new DH, his kids, grandparents) for 11 days in the school holidays. exP has refused this request. Not because he has something planned for them during that time period, which would be understandable. He will basically be at work on the weekdays that he would have them during that period and his mother would be looking after them anyway in the day. He has no plans to take them away on a similar holiday. He says that 11 days is too long- children are preteens so not really young.

The offer we found yesterday was at a specialist travel agent and is a 5star AI place basically half price compared to everywhere else, so not something we can replicate easily. We wouldn't get anything as good if we miss out on this.

I'm not sure how to proceed. I have said he can have them for extended blocks around it etc if he wishes.

I think he likely does have controlling tendencies, though not as bad as a lot on here. He doesn't pay maintenance (although I could probably get a small amount- he has them 40%) but when they switched from dinners to pack lunches for example, he asked me to send him money for him to buy lunch stuff for them on the days he had them since I used to pay for all the school dinners.

Is it unreasonable, as he is just doing this to be awkward rather than having plans for that period, to say that we will be booking the holiday, and if he refuses to let them go on it, that is his prerogative, but we will be going away with the rest of the people as planned so childcare for the holiday period is his responsibility?
Does that sound like I am abandoning them?

Should I do something else?
Can someone advise how they think I should proceed?

I was so annoyed with him last night but now am just really upset that he is denying the kids a summer holiday just for the sake of being a twat.

The PPs that were stopped; where was that? I've been to various European countries, never been asked anything, although Switzerland acted suspicious (asked DS if he was happy).

Surely it's a completely unenforceable law, and probably discriminatory? How many thousands of women and children fly together every day.

You could be stopped.

Your exp could cause trouble for you saying (telling border control) you were taking them without permission or a court order
So get a court order.

Sorry but this is really annoying me. How does customs know who has parental responsibility? How do they know if a child has zero contact with a birth father or not, or if the father has sadly died?

Do people really give abusive exes flight details so they can go ahead and complain to an airline and demand a child not be let on a flight?

I don't get it. Just bring the DC birth certificate with you and don't worry.

Because op and her dc could be stopped and asked for permission letter
Not having it could mean them not flying
www.gov.uk/permission-take-child-abroad

www.lawdepot.co.uk/contracts/travel-consent-uk/?loc=GB&pid=googleppc-consnt_uk-mainT4_y1-ggkey_Letter%20For%20Minors%20To%20Travel&gclid=CjwKCAjwp_zkBRBBEiwAndwD9Zri7782SeNv2_pGZ-RoNkYby2kR4RKuLLJTkxHYimt45Z0_u5MoxhoCGxAQAvD_BwE#.XJ_03MmnzqA

C'est la Vie - I get that and that link to get permission looks great, but what do they do if you say "I don't know where child's father is?" Or "I don't know who my child's father is?"
Could they seriously not allow you to fly?

m.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2015/12/23/family-different-surname_n_8867514.html?guccounter=1&guce_referrer=aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cuZ29vZ2xlLmNvbS8&guce_referrer_sig=AQAAACjsn6CW5pzdkuDIRfyVRLgHOCiGKvygSJzi68cs3-oVCuYSRT779PNfSQ6nfCbVyHTPsJcw23ckyIfK7fPXBTpj2lgbqKIsyf1uo_6zLGb-sdE555SiMDCKwzrDDyQNQR0pr04NHOXlV_9MxoUAp2aOdML8ZAL4h-UuQgY3yhIw

"Family Devastated As Airline Refuses To Let Son Fly Because He Wasn't Travelling With Both Parents"

You coukd speak to the airline and to border control I guess to ask but the law seems clear about needing consent to travel

You might be lucky and no one asks or notices

It could be just you and your dc being asked lots of questions and potential delays

Or could be worst case scenario

You have time so get legal paperwork

Just take the DC's birth certificate if you have a different surname to them and if questioned, say the children have no contact with dad.

I took my cousin on holiday who has a different surname. She was aged 9-10. She was stopped and asked what my name was, and what her relationship was to me, and if she was safe. Then she was let go.

Given your DC are at an age where they can talk, they may be asked a few questions but I doubt you'll be refused to fly.

DS got stopped the other year at passport control and asked to confirm who he was and who DH and I were. We all have the same surname. It was quite strange

That's a South African law isn't it C'est la Vie?

I was travelling to South Africa.

This annoys me as my ex is absent. There is no way on earth I would contact him to ASK permission to take children on holiday he hasnt seen in years (one he has only met 3 times)

Having looked into it, I seemingly need to arrange for a mediation meeting and then if that fails do a special order section on a c100 form to court?

It sounds like he would be highly unlikely to get his way but you never know.

He is bringing the kids back this afternoon so I will see if he says anything, and if he is still refusing then I will say that I am starting the legal proceedings.

I am hoping that it has all been a power play just to make me miserable and he will say he has decided they can go just so I need to thank him and feel grateful.

I have been away with them every year for several years, and the first time about 4 years ago we got asked on the way back home for info. I didn't have it at that time as wasn't aware but they have us a card. I now carry their birth certificates and normally an email printed out from him saying they can go. Never been asked since the original time now, but wouldn't want to risk it.

Just book the holiday.

Point out that if this has to go to court he will have to tell the whole world he doesn’t want his children going on a nice holiday whilst simultaneously he can’t be arsed taking them on a nice holiday himself.