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Original poster

DP seems to get annoyed when I disagree with him

54 replies

iwasagirlinavillage · 29/03/2019 22:28

We had a conversation about DNA, inspired by the Madeleine McCann documentary, where I said that if a couple had enough children, does he think that two of them would have the same? It was purely speculative, and I understand that this is highly unlikely. It wasn't so much what the conversation was about, but more about the fact that he seemed to hate the fact that I have a different opinion to him. And his response was to seemingly get irritated with me as though I was being completely stupid. I was talking in the region of 50+ children, would that result in the same DNA between two siblings. As I say, I'm happy to be proven wrong on the point, I'm interested statistically but beyond that it was just a hypothetical conversation, but he seemed really annoyed that I couldn't grasp his point of view. It's caused a weird atmosphere between us. He couldn't seem to handle that my view wasn't the same as his.

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 30/03/2019 07:24

Sounds like a silly thing to be arguing over
Also you're wrong but that's kinda irrelevant. Is he usually impatient with you like this?

DogHairEverywhere · 30/03/2019 08:17

ATailOfTwoKitties, thank you, yes the chances are less than 2 to the power of 46 (or 70 trillion).

CloudyTuesday · 30/03/2019 08:23

"Her DH is in the wrong for being impatient and unpleasant about it."

I bet he wasn't unpleasant or impatient the first time he answered. How long is one supposed to remain pleasant and patient for in the face of wilful ignorance?

'Not knowing' isn't annoying, but refusing to listen or accept the correct answer, insisting that you're entitled to your opinion, asking why the other person is getting frustrated with you 'just because i have another opinion' is annoying, goading, time wasting and frustrating. Especially if you're trying to watch tv, read a book, get to sleep, enjoy a night.

Hopoindown31 · 30/03/2019 09:37

Identical twins have the same DNA but there can be changes in genetic structure and gene expression as a result of environmental influences. The chances of non-identical siblings having identical DNA are vanishingly small.

DolorestheNewt · 30/03/2019 09:55

Did it actually end up being an argument about the fact that he wouldn't, as it were, get on board and entertain a hypothesis? I can imagine that being annoying. I had a similar frustration with DH the other day when I wanted to discuss a theoretical parallel between two political structures and he couldn't make the leap from fact to theory. But there are some theories that you simply can't discuss because the science behind them is just, well, no, that's not how that works, so maybe that's where your conflict lay. Either way, surely y'all should have got back to normal by now. Did it get personal?

Original poster
iwasagirlinavillage · 30/03/2019 09:56

This was the result of a drunken conversation. However, my point still stands. It's not so much about DNA as statistics. That just because something is very, very, very unlikely, it doesn't mean it's impossible. Probable, no, but possible, yes.

And ultimately, my issue was that my DP was that he spoke down to me. Even if I am wrong about something, I still expect to be heard and I don't feel I was. He made me feel very small and that's not a nice feeling.

OP posts:
Original poster
iwasagirlinavillage · 30/03/2019 09:58

Did it actually end up being an argument about the fact that he wouldn't, as it were, get on board and entertain a hypothesis?

It was this exactly. It never really escalated in to an argument. I just stopped because it was clear that I wasn't being listened to.

OP posts:
DolorestheNewt · 30/03/2019 10:01

Even if I am wrong about something, I still expect to be heard and I don't feel I was
You know what, OP? It costs nothing to be kind, and if he didn't listen to your query and give you an answer without belittling you, that's a shame.

DolorestheNewt · 30/03/2019 10:02

*and I don't mean kind in a patronising, talking-down-to kind of way either.

Shinyletsbebadguys · 30/03/2019 10:09

I don't think it is ok for him to speak down to you ever

However saying that I will admit to finding it incredibly frustrating when someone makes a statement and it's pointed out that it is scientifically not possible or unlikely but they then persist trying to prove their point. I have a couple of family members who will state an opinion (fine however odd to me everyone has their right ) but when during natural debate they go on and on and refuse to deviate or consider alternatives.

I do then feel frustrated because fine they've been listened to but not agreed with.

You say you weren't listened to but you were you disagreed and then you promptly did what you are accusing him of.

You shut it down saying you weren't listened to when you were he just didn't agree.

Do and I have a rule because we are partial to the odd intellectual debate that when one can prove their point by finding research the other can't continue to argue on opinion alone and must find rebuttal evidence.

This has led to some entertaining speed googling to find peer reviewed studies Grin

CloudyTuesday · 30/03/2019 10:14

"It's not so much about DNA as statistics. That just because something is very, very, very unlikely, it doesn't mean it's impossible. Probable, no, but possible, yes."

But weren't you talking about a woman having about 50 children? When the statistics are trillions to one, essentially zero chance?

Sunonthepatio · 30/03/2019 10:17

"Even if I am wrong about something, I still expect to be heard and I don't feel I was. He made me feel very small and that's not a nice feeling."

Yes, that is the issue, especially if it is part of a pattern.

CloudyTuesday · 30/03/2019 10:41

"He made me feel very small and that's not a nice feeling."

You've already said it was a drunken conversation. You felt like your (barmy) theory wasn't being respected. He felt you were arguing about something for which there really is no argument. You both annoyed each other. If you can debate about real issues when sober, I wouldn't worry personally.

Jessgalinda · 30/03/2019 10:54

Even if I am wrong about something, I still expect to be heard and I don't feel I was. He made me feel very small and that's not a nice feeling.

Well it actually depends. If he explained why you are wrong. And you carried on with 'but that's my opinion' about something you are factually incorrect about, what did you want him to do? Just agree you could be right?

Even if a woman had 5000 kids their DNA wouldn't be the same.

I can imagine when drunk you just wouldn't have it. And he wouldn't have it either. It's a drunk conversation and it seems you dont like being told you are wrong.

Jessgalinda · 30/03/2019 11:00

Also the title of this thread is wrong.

It appears that you get annoyed when he doesnt agree with you.

PicsInRed · 30/03/2019 11:22

Well, I recently read that 2 sperm can fertilise the same egg making semi-twins with same father (possibly why some "identical" twins don't look quite identical?) or even different fathers ... so at this point I think just about anything's possible. Shock Hmm Grin

PicsInRed · 30/03/2019 11:26

Anyway, OP, it sounds like you were trying to do a bit of casual philosophising and he's too rigid to engage. He doesn't sound like much fun - or compatible fun - for you. Do you want the conversations of the rest of your life to look like this? With him trying to put you back in your box and looking hard askance at your wonderings?

Chocolateisfab · 30/03/2019 11:26

Me and dh often have deep chats about time travel and the after life. Both interest me. And him to a point. He would never belittle what I thought /believed though..
But op you have to remember mixing alcohol doesn't always end the evening as you would wish anyway...

DolorestheNewt · 30/03/2019 11:33

PicsinRed that's how I read it. You put it very well.

CloudyTuesday · 30/03/2019 13:31

"a bit of casual philosophising"

Drunk people casually philosophising can actually be very annoying after awhile.

Haffiana · 30/03/2019 14:05

He made me feel very small and that's not a nice feeling.

When you made your OP you didn't say whatsoever that he made you feel small. You stated that he was irritated because you had a different 'opinion' to him and that he couldn't 'handle' that.

You may feel a bit of a tit now after everyone on this thread - with varying degrees of irritation which we are entitled to feel btw - has explained how wrong you were. But don't put that on him.

DolorestheNewt · 30/03/2019 15:47

"... and let that be a lesson to you, everybody, to make sure that you have really thought through your exact feelings and expressed them accurately in your OP before pressing POST MESSAGE."

poglets · 30/03/2019 16:03

Christ almighty. Shock

Quartz2208 · 30/03/2019 17:36

There are a potential 70 trillion possible dna combinations 2 people could produce it would need a lot more than 50+ (identical twins aside) which is rendered impossible by the number of child bearing years the average woman has

So whilst theroritically yes it’s possible practically it’s as close to impossible you can get

Even now though OP tbf you still feel that your opinion is right so what could he do

peekyboo · 30/03/2019 23:28

What a load of mean people on here.

OP wasn't posting to ask a scientific question, she was posting because her DP had been irritated with her for wanting a meandering, philosophical conversation.

Does everyone who was so scathing do research before talking to people? It really doesn't matter if it was a silly conversation or not, I'm not sure why so many people are annoyed by the subject matter.

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