Maybe it's me?

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I had a bit of a falling out with a long time friend (30 years) . Initially this good friend of mine agreed with what I was saying about the way another mutual friend had treated me.

Actually everyone pretty much agreed that our mutual friend had been really awful to me, they were shocked and felt bad for me.

Well fast forward a few months and I have since found out this supposed "good friend" has totally changed her tune, is now siding with the other friend and she has also been bitching/complaining about me to others.

I haven't spoken with her directly yet because I feel so hurt by it all and I don't understand any of it. Because of that I rang and spoke to another friend about it and she had been given a totally different version of the story in which I appeared the villain, however it was all totally false.

Now my friend does have previous form for getting a bit nasty at times over the years, not just to me but to others has well. She has fallen out with numerous people.

I guess I don't understand why people are siding with her, not believing me and also why they still want to hang out with her when she has form for treating people really badly sometimes?

I never said a word to our other friends when we fell out initially because I wanted to take the moral high ground, not cause more drama and because I thought it wasn't fair to go around telling other friends about it. But it turns out she's got no issue with it!!

Anyone else had anything like this happen?

How did you deal with it?

I started thinking is it me? But I really don't think I am in the wrong. I'm thinking of just not saying anything to her and gradually backing away from the friendship.

Thanks

What would be the advantages to you in prolonging this friendship? It sounds to me like its run it's course.

@polarpig thanks for responding. That’s a good question. Probably so it’s not awkward in terms of our whole friend group. We all do quite a bit together which is why I am keen not to make a big drama out of it.

Maybe stick with it and see how it goes then? You can distance yourself a little and see if it's manageable.

Maybe stop asking people to take sides.

Friendships built up over years shouldn’t fall apart on a “ he said, she said” basis.
You have an issue with one person. Cool off with them but allow your other friends to make their own decisions.

@seniorschoolmum thanks for responding. I didn’t ask anyone to take sides. I never uttered a word but then found out my friend was complaining and bitching about me and that she told our mutual friends an essentially fabricated story , painting herself in a much better light than reality. Pretty hurtful.

I never uttered a word

this good friend of mine agreed with what I was saying about the way another mutual friend had treated me

You must have uttered a word if friend A agreed with you about friend B.

It all sounds very juvenile TBH. It's reminding me why I don't do "friend groups".

I agree the minute you utter a complaint about someone you are setting up sides.
Best to step back now and take the higher ground.
This too will pass.

"Actually everyone pretty much agreed that our mutual friend had been really awful to me,"

Sounds like you've been talking to people about this mutual friend, so you can't really be surprised that (1) she was doing the same (2) word got back to her about what you were saying (3) some people heard both versions and sided with her not you.

I guess I don't understand why people are siding with her, not believing me and also why they still want to hang out with her when she has form for treating people really badly sometimes?

Well you’re in unique position to answer this because you have stayed her friend when she has been nasty to you and others other the years.

Yes it’s all very true what you’ve said. I probably didn’t explain well. When I said I didn’t utter a word, that was about the 2nd incident where she blew up at me over what happened initially.
I then decided not to say anything to our friendship group about it because although I was hurt I didn’t want to go bitching about her to other friends and she was so rude I thought everyone would think she was an awful person. Now she’s concocted a story making me out to be the bad guy and she had no problem bitching to them about me!

I realise this does sound very “high school “ which is why I’m in shock about it.

@AgentJohnson I really am starting to wonder myself.

So you bitched about her after the first incident? You must have as you state everyone sided with you, felt bad for you, and agreed with you on how awful she was.

If you wish honest replies op, there is really no point in once again trying to paint yourself as innocent and your friends as the bad guys, as you've clearly tried to paint to your friendship circle.

@bluntness100 you’ve got a very apt username. So you have nothing to say except for non constructive criticsm? Have a great day sweetie!