**trigger**

[Numptysod]

I was Raped - 2/3 years, ago, met DP 12 months ago, very family orientated
I only seen them 3/4 times, anxiety severe can't do much, they go to restaurants a lot on busy periods, I get severe diarrhoea and vomiting and panic noise/light becomes unbearable! Yet says I'm making excuses not to see make effort with family,

I seen her DM at DP house
Babysat Kids!

I do try but it's impossible I don't feel good enough, always moan saying there excuse every time it to do with family! Saying Exact words are I’m struggling to understand it. It difficult with my family maybe it not good you being with my as my family always seems to be such an issue with you one way or another, again all about her and her family.

Basically her brother looks very similar to the guy who raped me 2/3 years ago, I struggle with it, she doesn't reassure me calm me down find ways to help? It’s not though tbh, it you being unsupported regarding this rape shit, not once have she asked about it and how she can help!

It always straight to you don't like my family! All DP family do is go to restaurants on Sundays busiest days??

I'm lost at what to do to help DP get it?

In truth I am struggling to understand your written English.

However one thing seems very clear. You need help. It isn't your partner's place to help you. Support yes, love yes, listen yes, but if you are struggling to function normally in normal life then you need proper professional help.

Can you contact your GP and ask for referral for therapy? You don't have to be struggling to function like this after such an awful traumatic event.

If she can't understand you suffer from severe anxiety in busy, noisy, frantic places and that her brother reminding you of your attacker/the rapist is a problem; sorry but maybe she's not the partner for you. It sounds like you need someone very sensitive, understanding and flexible .. and she's not.

Re. her brother, I suppose it's neither of your faults that he reminds you of the rapist; maybe counselling would help.

But all in all, maybe you're not suited to each other at this time or at all. Also it's worth thinking about whether you're ready for a relationship at this time.

I got professional help, psychiatrist psychiatrist nurse and awaiting counselling.

Does your partner know what happened to you? Does she know that her brother reminds you of your attacker (which is NOT his fault)?

I am so sorry for what happened to you. Have you had any therapy or counselling?

Maybe things will impress be for you anxiety-wise when you've had a good amount of counseling; but in the meantime you two don't sound very compatible unfortunately.

There's the brother issue (neither of your faults), then there's her apparent lack of sympathy, understanding, sensitivity, patience, tolerance (that's a lot of words, sorry!) .. which is not suited to you and your situation. On top of that she's very family oriented and her family mostly meet up and socialise in noisy, busy public places - which you're not currently comfortable in at all.

It sounds like you would be better if with someone who's very sensitive and understanding and who doesn't put such emphasis on family (or whose family are quieter and meet up at home etc.).

*improve

DP does know and just says he can't cope??

It’s not his place to cope. It’s his place to support you and have empathy. He is being a shit about it! While you are getting the support and counseling to help you get coping mechanisms, hopefully medication in conjunction, he either needs to be understanding with full on empathy with what you have gone through, including not not inclusive to going to busy places like restaurants!

His brother is something your learn to cope with mechanisms through counseling. It can be doable. Make sure he is wearing no cologne and different clothing. It shouldn’t be that much of an ask!

What about meeting them in the sanctuary of your home and doing take out from their favourite restaurant? A compromise! Have in some wine and other drinks and go from there. Ask your dr for an emergency med for your anxiety like Ativan or similar to help you cope. Maybe just the parents to start and build up from there.

The fact you are in a relationship is huge!

If he can’t “cope” maybe ditch him and find someone who is more loving and more emotionally understanding.