Jealous?!

[Jasmine1002]

My sister told me that she was pregnant towards the end of January I was so happy for her/am so happy for her. She got married last year and I have been asking her for years to have a baby so i can be an aunty.

I have PCOS and am aware that it can take time to conceive. Me and my partner spoke about having children and decided that I would come off the pill August last year and just see what happens. I was having regular periods every 29 days that would last 4 days but after a week of her telling me she was pregnant I'd missed my period and was having all these pregnancy symptoms for 2 months just without the positive urine or blood. (I am aware that PCOS messes up your periods). I think that I have now had a period so know that I'm not but part of me feels a bit jealous that she is pregnant and I'm not. Am I a horrible person?

No, you aren’t. It’s normal when you are having fertility issues to be a bit jealous of those who are pregnant.

Were you happy for her? Did you express to her that you were happy? Yes? Then you are fine. If you were mad and angry with her then you were in the wrong.

It’s ok to have personal feelings, just keep them to yourself. Fertility is on of the tricky things out there that get our emotions all messed up. We want it so bad and although we are happy for others we are sad for ourselves.

Keep on trying and when it’s time, usually a year of trying I believe, I could be wrong! Get medical help.

Baby dust your way!

Of course you're not horrible. You can't help the way you feel.

When I found out I had PCOS I was devastated and so upset but everyone around me was so supportive. I have lost almost 3 stone since first finding out. She said my reaction was the best one, I burst into tears I was so happy, we have been baby shopping but it just makes me jealous. I want to be supportive to my sister and not show her that on jealous but I'm struggling. I want to be there and experience it all with her but it hurts. I feel so much better getting it off my chest. As I feel like telling my partner might put pressure on things. And we have already said that if it happens it does. I have mentioned to him about me speaking to the doctors about what we can do to help but I'm not all sure what there is myself. He said if we speak to them and get an idea on what they can do to help we could try options.

But at least there will be a new addition to the family, and you'll be an aunty. Half way there...

Quite patronising to say halfway there when you're an auntie.

I know dont get me wrong I cannot wait to be an aunty, my sister and her husband will make great parents.. but what if I get so jealous when the babies comes.. I dunno I'm worried but feel draft about it.

Being a auntie isn't the bloody same as carrying your own child.
Don't be to hard on your self, trying for a baby cause a mix of emotions and hormones.

OP... you were having regular periods while actively ttc. Now you missed two? And said you had now thought you'd had a period so knew you can't be pregnant.
I don't want to give you false hope but firstly the weight loss will have helped, if your having regular periods then you are more likely than not ovulating and what makes you say you think you've now had a period? Was it light or shorter than your normal? If so go to your gp and ask for a bhcg blood level... Your last period could have been an implementation bleed.
And also talk to your gp about your diagnosis of pcos... Especially if your trying ttc as there are meds to help your chances.
Being jealous of your sister is normal and I think just the fact you have insight into how you might feel is a good start... I am sure you'll be a lovely aunt.
But please go and see your doctor, don't rule out your own chance

We weren't properly actively ttc, but we weren't been safe. It was so light, I thought that I had the implantation bleeding 7 days after we had sex which according to my app I use to track was the day I ovulated. Which is what made me think I was and then nothing for 2 months, then I have had light bleeding again. (Eg. Tmi but when I wiped there was a little bit) I've just got an appointment through today to go have scans and other stuff done in a few weeks to see what's happening. Then have to go back to the doctors so I will speak to them.

Thankyou guys for reading and replying, its bit reassuring that I'm not a horrible person and people do feel like that.

I have PCOS, been ttc for several years with no luck and since I've been trying, SIL and Dsis have had 2 children each (and most of my friends have had at least one).

Firstly, as pp said, being an aunt is not halfway there. That kind of mindless comment is right up there with 'relax and it will happen.' It means nothing and shows a complete lack of understanding.

Secondly - you're going to need to accept your feelings. It's ok to feel jealous, to be angry, to get upset. It's obviously not ok to take these feelings out on people but if you have feelings, it isn't going to help you to try and deny them.

I love my nieces and nephews. Im close to them, see them often, enjoy having them in my life. I sometimes have moments where the unfairness hits me (SIL got pregnant within a month of trying each time and DSis also has PCOS but has conceived without trying 4 times (has 3 children). BUT I accept that it's normal to feel that way. My nieces and nephews will never know how I feel - I imagine you'll be exactly the same.

I completely understand that everyone is different and some people it will happen quicker and I do accept my feelings and it's me that has to work on them. I will love my niece (they just found out today) lots and will always be there for her and noone will ever know I have these feelings. I hope that you get the positive results soon!

Your feelings are very, very naturally. You have done brilliantly by showing your sister that you are happy.

Do you think it would be a good idea to tell someone that you struggling a little bit? Most people would understand.

In any event or if you can't just now keep talking here. Many of us have 'walked in your shoes' and totally 'get it'.

The idea of telling someone just makes me feel uncomfortable, I would speak to my partner but I dont want things to be pressured and the rest of my family dont speak to me, and my friends have distanced themselves. I would rather just speak to all you on here.

You aren't even giving it time or proper consideration and if you love your sister be excited for her.

I have unexplained infertility and it was very painful in the years I was TTC with H and it seemed liked literally everyone around me was growing a bump.

(It was especially galling when they said shit like "Just relax and it will happen" or "We were trying for 6 months and then we took folic acid/lost weight/actually fucking tracked my menstrual cycle/did IVF cos we have money falling out our arses")

My H had to stop me pushing his son's grandma onto the train tracks when she said "It's simple, just have sex 2 weeks after your period". Wow thanks. God I can still feel the rage and it's nearly 20 years ago! Bitch I'm waking up at 5.30 every morning so I can take my temperature and feel my cervical mucus, do you really think "just have sex" is going to cut it?

My H had to stop me pushing his son's grandma onto the train track

We were at the train station already. It's not like I'd have had to take an extra trip.

Another one here saying are you absolutely sure you aren't pregnant? Definitely go to the doctor to get a blood test done...

@julensaor If you read it properly I have said that I am aware that it's going to take it's time and I do love my sister and have already said that I am really happy for her and excited!!

@NotTheFordType you have had it tough too then, Haha pushing her may not have been a good idea.

I have been to doctors and had my bloods done.