Really struggling with dh (mh related)

[bluebellsinmarch]

My dh had a psychotic episode a week after our dtwins was born and since then things have been awful.

He was sectioned for 3 weeks and I was left to care for our newborn dtwins on my own and travel 3 hours 4 times a week to see him.

Since he's been home he's a changed man. He has no patience with anything and is very down and vacant. He is constantly stressed out and with young twins there's a lot to be stressed about.

I am struggling so much trying to keep everyone happy and stable but it's not working.

He's tried therapy but that didn't help.

I really want to leave him but the thought of leaving him like this makes me feel like a bad person. He just isn't the same person I married and I don't know how to help him.

You are not a bad person. You can leave someone and still care about them.

He's tried therapy and that didn't help How long did he do it for ? it can take a long time to see any benefit, what kind was it? Does he not take any meds? He needs to engage with working to get better or it could be a very long road.

Does he have close family who he could stay with (either temporarily, intermittently or permanently?) so that some of the pressure and the stree in the house is reduced for you. Are you getting any help with the situation?

It so hard, it can seem like a stranger and someone who is not your friend has replaced your loved one. I know for me I felt totally abandoned by the NHS/system and my GP agreed. Totally alone.

Wow, how hard having newborn twins when he was sectioned as well. You must be a very strong person but we all only have so much strength. What are your boundaries what behaviours do you want him to stop/change? What would he need to do for you to want to stay?

He is on medication and tried cbt for a few months but found it was making him feel worse.

His family are not supportive in any way and I would be the one who would have to leave for a short while/ permanently.

I am not a strong person at all. I feel anxious and scared most of the time , worrying he will have another episode as the last one seemed to come without warning.

It's not a good atmosphere at home.

Why would you have to leave OP? Wasn't there any history of MH issues at all? If this is leaving you and the Twins homeless, or financially struggling, I think you need to explore outside help. Social services, Women's Aid? I'm not sure which agency or organisation is the best to approach, but you sound vulnerable.

I think you need to leave for the sake of your own mental health.

I'm not sure that CBT is what he needed after a psychotic episode. Was nothing put in place after his discharge from hospital for ongoing therapy and meds?

Go and see your GP , they may know of local therapy practices that do reduced fee sessions or could refer your DH to the NHS psychology
or psychiatry service rather than the Wellbeing service (which offers CBT).

Have you someone you can talk to about all of this or anyone who can offer some help? Where would you move out to?

It is prefectly rational that you feel scared and anxious, it's a horrendous situation.

If he is under a mental health team you are entitled to a carer's assessment. The assessment looks at your needs and will suggest ways of accessing help for you.