I have been doing a bit of reading lately on this and I particularly think my mum is an unprincipled narcissist.
To make a very long story short it has only been in the last year that I have realised a number of things about my mum, been told stuff about my mum by siblings which we hadn’t shared between us previously (we are now all over 25 and moved out) and my Aunty (mums sister) has told us stuff.
My mum is an impulsive shopper to the point she has repeatedly caused debt, is in debt not only in cards in her name but created accounts in my dads, abused my credit card, claimed money fraudulently in my sister’s names, mortgaged a house which has since been reprocessed in my sister’s name (they share the same initials) and now owes £70,000 on but they are trying to pursue my sister for of course putting her husband and 2 children at risk and this is the one thing that broke the camels back for me. At this point we then shared stories with each other of her money issues. My dad has admitted she’s had them in so much debt they have had to nearly sell the farm several times.
Then there is the behaviour of extreme emotions and then manipulative things she says like when she doesn’t get her way or the answer she wants she would say “you know I may just go out there and step out in front of a train” - “ I was on London I could have died” - “I might as well pack my bags and leave”
I have also found out she has had a nose job, boob job and is currently getting fillers and goes to the gym 3 days a week.
She has ruined 3 of the most important days of my life by deflecting attention back to herself. The night before my wedding we were to go out for dinner as a family, she threw a physio and refused to go out and then I was in tears, we eventually went out but it was horrible, the day of my wedding my sister in law had arranged for her daughter (my god daughter) to give me a gift (you know the wee horseshoe you get) and she made a girl who they were fostering at the time to give me it instead. When my daughter was born we had a naming party and I got up and spoke briefly and she insisted on getting up and saying something and reading a poem and in conversation said “ you’s would walk over me to help your father” (there was more context to it obviously)
It has put a lot of strain on our relationship to the point I have seeker councselling and I am struggling emotionally with dealing with the realisation that my mother is not who I thought she was.