Well, the most recent thing is this:
I had a 'best friend' who I was only seeing half a dozen or so times a year anyway. She was always "too busy" to answer the phone when I called yet had time to talk for 3 hours if she called me to offload about something that was pissing her off.
I felt a bit used. Especially when I learned she still had time to meet others for coffee. So I challenged her about it. She said that friends are people you can call on for support even if you don't see each other for years and that there is no need to spend social time together more often than we did.
She also repeatedly cancelled, at short notice, a meeting we'd scheduled about a community organisation we were looking into setting up. I'd repeatedly rearranged things to accommodate this meeting and wasn't prepared to do it again. So I pointed this out to her and gave her the dates I was next available and asked her to commit to one. She didn't.
I was less available to her after that which was considered to be me being difficult and unhelpful. After all, she wouldn't have cancelled at short notice unless it was necessary. And I understand that, but don't make arrangements when you're in the middle of a busy period of work/during a family crisis then. Wait until you can actually fulfill that commitment. I'm happy to wait. I'm just not happy to be messed about.
We saw each other recently for a social thing where I personally found her to be incredibly offensive and insulting and what she said really upset me. So I left. She says and does these things quite often. She quite often gets a bit drunk and then dominates a social event crying and recounting an upsetting event from years ago. (I'm not unsympathetic to this - it was awful but I'm trying to be succinct.)
Other people are equally tired of having every light hearted social event 'upset' in this way, but are very accommodating of her due to a desire to be kind.
But I have my own shit to deal with and my own traumatic past events. I want friends and people around me that I can have fun with as well as support. I want the support to be mutual - I don't want to feel like someone's 'whipping boy' and just take whatever they say and have to 'let it go' because they "don't mean it, they're just upset".
I've lost all of my friends on the back of this because I am, evidently, 'mean' and 'unkind' because I haven't just brushed what she said/did under the carpet. I was also clearly upset and now no one is talking to me.
So give it to me straight. Was this a boundary she crossed or am I intolerant?