Boyfriend’s family trying to break us up

[NeilOrKneel]

Whilst it’s true that we’ve hit a rocky patch and are trying to work things through, his family are not helping by questioning whether I am right for him.

This isn’t the first time they’ve interfered, indeed they apparently succeeded with his previous girlfriend.

To be honest though, if he is so weak as to succumb each time then I am better off without him.

AIBU to want to tell them to fuck off interfering with their son’s/brother’s relationships and let him make his own choices?

Has anything led up to this? How long have you been together? How old are you?

He is making his own choice, though. He is choosing to allow them to interfere and to bully his girlfriends until they leave.

I think family members are within their rights to question the suitability of their child's/siblings partner, when the relationship is rocky.

He's obviously telling them things, hence they are commenting.

They should butt right out!

But its him that should be telling them, and if he doesn't then he's condoning it and you are in a relationship with them rather than him.

He sounds like a spineless dick,ltb

What are their reasons? Has he spoken of your relationship with them?

More information needed, why do you think they may dislike you?

Why wouldn't or shouldn't those closest to him and who love him not give him their views or advice in your suitability? Is that so strange?

If I'm going down a path that my family or best friends think may not be the best, I'd definitely want them to speak up. Whether I take their advice or not is a different story.

For mental health reasons, it is good for people to talk to those who they can trust and listen to advice.

I find your expectations that he not discuss his concerns or listen to their advice very unreasonable. If they were advising him to stick with you, I bet you would not have a problem with him listening to them in this instance.

Maybe there is a legitimate reason why they are sceptical about the relationship working long-term.

let him make his own choices?

Being real - you absolutely do not have an in law problem, you have a boyfriend problem.

The reason your in laws can have an impact in your relationship is because your boyfriend is unwilling to draw appropriate boundaries with them.

I have absolutely been in your shoes. Things will not improve on their own, and i think things are unlikely to improve generally.

"Whilst it’s true that we’ve hit a rocky patch and are trying to work things through, his family are not helping by questioning whether I am right for him."

Well if I was having problems in my relationship, I'd talk to my mum or sister about it. Surely it's good to talk things through with someone you trust?

And of course they're not going to sit there silently, they'll ask questions and make observations because they're trying to help someone they love.

If your love is secure, it won't matter what anyone else says about you.

If he is confiding them, which he has the right to do, then asking him if you are right for him is completely reasonable. It's not trying to split you up.

Its asking a question. Not telling him or forcing him to finish the relationship.

You also speak to others about your relationship, its good and healthy to do this,but of course,each 'side' only receive the view of the one expressing it, so its skewed and mostly their responses will reflect that skew.

However, they shouldn't be getting involved! Both of you have responsibility to talk to each other to sort out problems between you, if he's not doing that, you're on a hiding to nothing.

You need to talk to each other above others unless you can't manage things between you, then get some independent outside hell from good relationship counselling like relate.

*help (not hell obvs!)