Family & Relationship Anxiety

[ZZ1989]

Hi Everyone,

Just looking for any thoughts/advice/just to vent really!

I have been in a relationship for almost a year. It is a serious relationship and we're in the process of looking for houses together. We're very happy and in love.

My 30th birthday party is coming up and all my friends, family and work colleagues will be there. Also, obviously so will my boyfriend and his parents. They've never all mixed together before.

The issue is that when my mum and dad split up 29 years ago, my mum eventually settled down and married again. They've been married now over 25 years. The only problem is - She married my dads brother! (My uncle)

At the time it was very scandalous as you can imagine and caused a lot of family drama. All these years later it is really a none issue and everyone is civil and over it. They're nota close family and as I was so young I've always just known him as my step dad.

My boyfriend and my work colleagues don't know about this. Mostly because it's not a big deal and no ones business, but partly because I guess I'm a little bit ashamed and embarrassed by it. Even though I have no control over it.

I am worried that my boyfriend and colleagues will find out at my party and judge.

I don't know why it bothers me so much.

I think I should just tell my boyfriend outright before the event so that its done with. Even though I don't think its a big deal now, I'm worried he may break up with me and think we're a family of inbreds. Which I realise is dramatic but that's where I'm at.

Would it bother you?

Sorry for ranting and I hope I've explained properly.

Any thoughts/advice would be greatly appreciated.

I would tell your boyfriend, and explain you're feeling quite anxious about this and you didn't want him finding out from a third party.

It's nobody else's business. Are there any cousins/step-siblings you are worried might get drunk and start pouring poison into ears? Or your dad, presuming he's coming?

Ask your boyfriend if he can help you come up with some light-hearted things to say just in case someone climbs on a table and declares "THIS HARLOT FUCKED MY BROTHER - AND MY OTHER BROTHER!"

Hi, thank you for your message!

Yeah, my dad will be there. He has been re married for over 20 years himself and they’re all civil. It was a lifetime ago and all the family is super ok with things.

It’s just as you say if someone makes a light hearted joke and he doesn’t have a clue.

I thought like you mentioned at least if I forewarned him it’s done with.

I think, or at least I hope that I’ve just massively over thought and made a big deal out of it.

There will definitely be no drama or anything from anyone involved family wise that will be there. I guess it’s just the issue of him finding out that way.

I think I just need to tell him and then I don’t have to spend the whole night on edge over something that is in actual fact really minor now.

Definitely that sounds best.

There is a big family secret on my H's side and I was terrified someone was going to say something to DS at the funeral. Didn't happen. Ditto at other family funerals over the years.

Unless you have some really drama-loving twats in your family/friends, I think these things generally aren't spoken about.