Newly single mum dating again

[Lilmissg]

Hi all
I broke up wi my ex (my 3yr old boys dad) officially about 6 weeks ago but thinks have not been good since November when he told me he didn’t love me anymore. We were engaged to be married this sept so I wanted to save the relationship if I could but he basically didn’t.
Now I am single, I am ok with the relationship being over, the 3 months that I tried to work on it I was at rock bottom not knowing what was happening but as soon as the decision was made to break up it felt like a relief over me. So I have made a vast improvement over the last 6 weeks.
It has prob helped (hopefully not hindered) by a guy texting me & showing a lot of interest. I have met him twice, I do like him but have a massive wall around me to let anyone in yet. I have been clear with the position I am in & he is ok to take it slow but at the same time is very keen to spend time with me.

So my question.... when do people meet prospective boyfriends when you have kids? Is it acceptable to bring him to the house when my boy is in bed?? Obvs not to stay over. My ex takes my boy once a week but this new guy is in a band so usually plays the nights I’m free.
I don’t want to rush my boy meeting him obviously. Which is another question... how long do people wait before that??

Thanks in advance ladies !

Hi, I know you say you had had some time to get your head around your relationship being over but I still think 6 weeks isn't long to be jumping into another relationship. It took me 6 months to even think about dating and even them I wasn't really ready.

As for when to see him, can your ex not have your son any more than one night a week? He gets 6/7 nights to have a social life and you only get 1?

What about a support network? Do you have family who would babysit now and again for you?

I wouldn't bring a man to the house when my children are there as it would just feel wrong and I would hate for them to come downstairs and find a strange man in their home.

Opinions seem to vary as to when to introduce a new partner but to me, it's not necessarily about a certain number of months but how your relationship is progressing, how long you have known them, etc. Having said that, I wouldn't be thinking of introducing anyone as Mum's boyfriend any earlier than 6 months, regardless of how long I'd known them.

I think you have to adjust it to your personal situation, your child and their age, ability to adjust to change, and the strength of their relationship with their dad.

If they are robust and contact with dad is good, I think they can handle being introduced earlier. However I would never introduce a guy until I knew it was going to be serious, so really you're looking at 6 months. I'd always wait for the infatuation stage to pass and move onto actual love.

Yes to babysitters. Any friends with sensible teenage daughters?

Focus on yourself and your children. This must be a difficult time for them, and I don't understand how your head could be in the zone of another man already. I'm sorry if this sounds judgemental, and I'm sorry also for the difficulties in your previous relationship However as anyone with emotional intelligence will know, this is much too soon.

6 weeks? wow thats quick, not being rude but it is, I wouldnt jump into dating so soon. Its been 2 years since I broke up with my ex and still havent dated. If your ex takes your child then I think you should only see him when he is with your ex. You wouldnt want your child waking up to find a strange man in the house. and I would say 6 months plus before meeting.

Who soon do you think you’d find it acceptable for your ex to introduce a new girlfriend to your child?

OP you’ll be told to wait several months. But your ex can move in with someone new whenever he wants, and introduce her to your child. And if you complain about it you’ll be told to “suck it up”. Such is mumsnet.

Personally I think 6 weeks is a bit soon though , so I’d suggest maybe 3-4 months if you feel it’s a relationship that’s really going somewhere .

I’m not thinking of introducing my child to him anytime soon I’m just wondering what Time length people use before introducing.

I also am very very aware that 6 weeks is soon & I am surprised myself that I am even thinking about dating so I am in one hand thinking am I crazy then on the other thinking I am gettin happiness out of this & it is helping me & im technically doing nothing wrong.. should I let this pass or not.

My ex had been working away for a year so the adjustment to him not being in our home has been easier for both me & thankful for our son. They do see each other once a week but his dads going to be working away again soon so it will be every 2 weeks then. And again harder for me to have time. Just not sure how people work it.

It actually feels like I’ve been going through the breakup process since November not 6 weeks ago, as things were so bad between us & I was worn down so much. Us officially breaking up 6 weeks ago was a massive turning point for me & was something I seen coming & had started dealing with long before that

To answer some of your questions OP- I wouldn’t have him over when dc are in bed
Around 6 months to introduce
Never put yourself in a position where you become dependent in any way on the new man. (You didn’t ask this but needs to be said)
& Personally, I would play the field first if I were you. You’ve just got out of a long term relationship (November isn’t that long ago) & you’re probably really liking the attention & it makes you feel good about yourself, however, that doesn’t mean he’s right for you & I think I would make a list of all the qualities I’d be looking for in a man & ones that were dealbreakers before dating.