I don't know how I feel about this friendship any more

[Bigfatbaby]

I'll try to keep this sort.

I have had a best friend for nigh on 20 yrs ago. About 18 months ago she started getting very distant, made new friends and started ignoring messages. We had a few conversations about it, it was always just put down to being busy.

I moved on, and basically left it in my head that if she wanted to meet up and I was free then fine, but I wasn't going to chase any more.

She had made one friend in particular who wasn't my cup of tea. And in essence, they were drinking buddies. My friend became very confidante and they practicaly lived together. Everyone else came second.

Now this friend has a new boyfriend and is phasing my friend out by the sounds of things. All of a sudden my friend is heartbroken, and I have been getting phone calls reading out text messages from this friend and analysing them, describing new friend as her beat friend etc etc. All the while crying about how badly she has treated me and others etc.

To begin with I was instinctively sympathetic as we have been friends a long time. But now I am a bit cross. This friend of 18 months has been treated with more love and consideration, more value, than friends of decades old. This has only come to a head because other friend is now doing to my friend what she did to me and others. It's being treated like the end of a relationship, she said it was like 'leaving an abusive relationship'.

I basically said that I'm sure in time our friendship would recover, but I wasn't putting up with being picked up and dropped in favour of this friend. This was understood. Yet on day 1, said friend has deigned to respond to a text message from the weekend and now my friend wants to meet up with her to tell how how much she hurt her etc.

I've said that for all her fine words, she is still placing more value on someone who is notorious for treating others badly over and above those who don't. Those who in her words are a bit boring because they don't drink and smoke.

I have said I won't be pulled into drama and to put this in perspective. But I'm still very hurt. I just don't know what to think.

Hello.

I'd say listen, she's still your friend and she always will be. You guys have 20 years under your belts. Take it easy and take a solid step back.

She has hurt you, but maybe her crisis is not the time. Who did she reach out to? You! Her friend of 20 years x

I'd be there for her thro her crisis, then in a month or so have your issue out. Did you really think you'd be friends for life with no issues? And no other close friends?

Is it possible at all she likes her ‘more than a friend’ I think her reaction is a bit OTT for friendship. It’s normally understood that when 1 friend gets a new bf they won’t be around much for a while as they’ll want to spend all their time with them basically. I genuinely think there’s something else to it.

It sounds like the above person says that she was either in love with the friend and or in a relationship with her and they have split up now.
You could ask her about this?
I think its very bad to dump your old friends when you get a new boyfriend or partner.
I think I would just see her on a very occasional basis, I think she has a cheek really and just wants you when theres no one better.

I think there may have been more to it, that will never be admitted though as she has a husband and kids and other person has a partner.

I'm just not going to give it any headspace for now. If she's more forthcoming and reliable I'm sure we'll swing back in sync, we've been friends a long time. But I'm not going to put myself out there for now, been there done that.