So I had quite an abusive childhood, mainly emotional abuse with some physical thrown in for good measure. I have always dealt with this though I was over it, I had survived. But after a series of tough life events, my father's (abusers) death, I find myself in my 40s, unable to cope. I need to go and talk to my boss about something and I can't stop crying. I stop think I look ok then gave a look in the mirror and it's obvious, so cry again. What is wrong with me? I have lost confidence and assertion. The man's dead, I hated him, but he still controls me.