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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Fiance sabotaging his job interview

14 replies

vaulty · 28/03/2019 10:40

Sorry for the rant it does have a point I swear!
For a bit of background me and my fiance have been together 7 years and are expecting our first child in July, neither of us are currently working, I'm on disability and my partner left his job a year ago due to sciatica as it was a physically demanding job, so we have been making do month to month on benefits and savings, when we found out we were expecting (in late oct) partner was very enthusiastic about looking for work and i started an at home job (pays awful but that's not the point).
he's not been terribly successful at looking for a job, the majority of jobs he's applied for I've had to do on his behalf, however this week he came home really enthusiastic about a job opportunity he'd found and he knew someone who worked there who could guarantee an interview, he got a phonecall yesterday evening stating he had an interview today at 4pm, i was obviously over-joyed as this is his first interview since he started looking and it was actually a job he could enjoy and involved minimal physical labour for his back.
being pregnant i was exhausted and took myself off to bed at 10pm and told him not to stay up too late as he had a big day, when i woke up this morning I've discovered that he didn't go to bed until 6am and has downed an entire half bottle of disaronno , and he's currently in the bathroom being sick.
Am i wrong to be furious? i haven't been this angry in such a long time and i really don't know how to approach the situation, i feel like he's sabotaging us, this job would be great for our family especially seeing as we're currently trying to pay off debt that he was hiding from me (but that's another issue) i know i don't work a proper job so i feel like i can't be too critical but this has really brought me down. what would you do in this situation?

OP posts:
TheMoistvonlipwig · 28/03/2019 10:48

YANBU

Get rid of him. You'd be better off on your own and it will be easier to do it now than when the baby is here.

He has debt which he has hidden from you
You are doing the majority of his job search/applications for him and now he has done this which is completely inexcusable. It seems like you are having to babysit him whilst also being pregnant and doing your own job working from home.

He should be bending over backwards to show you how committed he is to providing for you and your baby.

Shoxfordian · 28/03/2019 11:06

He hasn't been successful because he's been relying on you to apply for him. Maybe he's hoping if he's sick, then you can go to the interview for him and do the job too! Get rid of him, he's a loser.

YouBumder · 28/03/2019 11:12

Bin off the lazy bastard. I’d have no respect for someone like him.

another20 · 28/03/2019 11:24

People like this need consequences not enabling. There will be more debt no doubt and other behaviours that will impact on the physical and emotional quality of life of your baby.

Kick him to the kerb and go it alone so that 100% of your efforts and emotional focus is positively given to your new baby. Anyone who does not enhance your motherhood or leaves you preoccupied and frustrated is draining you of finite emotional energy that your baby could have instead.

PaterPower · 28/03/2019 11:43

I’d maybe try and be a bit more understanding - at least until after the interview.

Not that you’re wrong to feel angry, but he’s clearly anxious about the appointment and maybe a better approach would be to get him to work out why and boost his confidence a bit.

He’s been off for a while, his self belief has obviously taken a knock and he knows the pressure on finances etc. He’s still got some time before the interview. Get him on water and coffee and calmed down and he can still be presentable and switched on for 4.

PaterPower · 28/03/2019 11:45

And if you bin him off after that, you can... but at least he’ll have a job from which he can help support your DC.

Fannybaws52 · 28/03/2019 11:47

OP, you will never have enough and will always struggle as long as you are weighed down by this loser. He has no intention of providing for you and you poor baby will grow up always wishing he/she could have what everyone else has. They could - if their Dad wasn't a work shy tosser!

If your health allowed you, you would be out providing for yourself but you can't so you either need him to step up for your family or he needs to go so he isn't adding to the problem and holding you back.

The drinking, debt and lies are not another issue. It's all the same problem - him.

Kko1986 · 28/03/2019 12:29

How long was he in his previous job for?
I understand your anger but I'm wondering if he was so nervous about the interview and so couldn't sleep so he drank to calm his nerves not an excuse but maybe he s afraid

WhiskersOnCats · 28/03/2019 12:36

I doubt he purposely did it. Like the previous poster, it's possible nerves got the better of him. He can do his best and if this one doesn't work out, he can get his ass in gear to find something else.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 28/03/2019 12:44

Half a bottle of disarrano is some going. How hungover is he?

Is there any chance that he would rather you returned to work and he could stay and look after the baby?

You are best placed to assess whether he is likely to have got nervous or if he's just not bothered about getting a job.

PaterPower · 28/03/2019 19:18

Did he go to the interview OP?

IloveJudgeJudy · 28/03/2019 19:34

Also if you're so lacking money why is he even buying that liqueur. It's not cheap. I'd say, given what you've written, that you should leave him or kick him out.

AceOfSpades123 · 28/03/2019 20:53

Wow. That’s just not acceptable before his one interview! Get drunk after it!! How did it go?

another20 · 05/04/2019 15:52

How are you doing OP?

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