Dh work trips - feeling frustrated

[Lam23]

How do you make it work when you work full time, have a small dc and your dh works away frequently?
In the past 10 months dh has gone abroad for 3 separate weeks for training, 2 separate 4day stints abroad for “offsite” (appears to be a jolly with hotel and parties, last time he spent most of it drunk), and a 2 week stint abroad with another team. I’ve just heard about another upcoming “offsite” that takes 4 days and I’m not overly impressed. It means that I have to change my working hours those weeks as dh does nursery drop off, and all the running of the house falls to me. He doesn’t get any time off in lieu with us for these stints away either. I guess I wouldn’t mind but his company is so happy clappy corporate and the offsites and stuff just seem to be a stream of free food, free alcohol, and they are not family friendly (I.e. if you don’t go to them you will not be in line for promotion)
I do trust him. I guess I am frustrated that my life is a constant stream of work/dc/home and dh is always swanning off to posh hotels and work parties. His company culture has a huge emphasis on the social side and its very regular that is he away for days at a time. I don’t see the need for all the offsites and trainings abroad when we are based in London.
Btw he is not in a client facing or sales role.
I think I just want a rant. Yes I am a little jealous of him getting to do all this. I have radically changed my working arrangements to facilitate being a mum and all of this would be off limits to me.

When he has business trips planned he needs to plan and organise childcare arrangements. Stop doing it for him.

There's a lot he can do even when away thanks to the internet. He can:

Pay bills and do other money management
Meal plan
Book a food shop delivery
Book breakfast/after school/holiday clubs for kids
Arrange a cleaner to help out while he's away
Get his laundry done by the hotel so it doesn't need to be done when he gets back
Read a bedtime story/help with homework over Skype

And so on...

Don't let him dump it all on you while he's having a jolly, it can be blooming hard work. My partner works away regularly but would always do what's possible to help if I asked.

Does he have many women colleagues with children and how do they cope with this constant socialising and travelling.

I am sure even men with children don't want to be away from their families so much for non-essential travel. It is really true that his promotion prospects will be hurt if he does not do this.

Agree with other posters he should be doing more family admin on holiday. He should not get a free pass.

He needs to arrange wrap around care for those mornings. So a nanny arrives at your house at 7am (or whatever time he’s on child duty from) clothes, feeds, cleans, etc the children and delivers them to nursery.

Likewise he needs to arrange a cleaner to cover his share of the housework, and meal delivery/prestocking the freezer with meals to cover his half of the cooking.

When he gets back from the next one let him know you’re away for a fortnight. Don’t ask, tell. Let him manage. When he gets back explain what needs to happen in order for you to consider facilitating his extras at work.

Alternatively, it might be time for him to stop and start saying no. Ok it stops him being eligible for promotion, that’s a sacrifice lots of parents make just generally its the Mothers not the fathers. Once the children are in full time school he can job hunt for somewhere new to seek promotion.

Sounds hard. I do about 80-90 days a year away from home as a single parent (60/40). I live on my own with my daughter, but do need a bit of help from my folks once a week every week, and then a few other random times.

I've had to employ a cleaner once a week to keep on top of the house. But I do all the cooking, laundry, ironing, and more cleaning. Docs, dentists, opticians, parents evenings, clubs, hobbies, and all that lovely stuff all sit with me.

Anyway, to my point. I hope he's pulling his weight when he gets home, and offers/arranges child care support for his trips. The only other alternative is a change of career and seeing if you can both cope with that.